“But we’re talking about the CIA. Damn it, Ellis! You had to know nothing good was going to come from peeking behind that curtain.”
“I wanted to take down whatever scam they were running. Burn it. I got a tip that the man I was looking for was one Roger McCormick. Former-Special Forces—Green Berets. He’d been a CIA SOG leader and was the current director of one of covert units inside SAD. I was led to believe he was the answer to all my questions.
“So, yeah…I went deep. Began with his childhood and moved forward. High school. Military career. I unsealed his records, got into his financials—picked him apart piece-by-piece until I was able to hack his NCS clearance.”
She snorted. “Asshole used his security number from his Green Berets’ file as his passcode. Amateur. Found myself neck deep in covert ops. Men who were designated NCS but weren’t anywhere anyone could ever find them. Turned out, McCormick had his very own black ops division within his black ops division. A damn needle in a stack of needles.”
Cannon scrubbed his hand down his face. “You hacked a director of the CIA’s clandestine unit? Were you freaking high? Had a death wish?”
“What I had was an obligation. To the men who put their lives in my hands. You think I didn’t hear what everyone said about MI soldiers? The names they called us? Each branch had a different one. Greenhorn. Boot. Cannon fodder. But I never let it get to me because I knew I was saving lives. That every kernel of truth I uncovered would stop one of you from eating a bullet. I might not have gone outside the wire—had an impressive kill number. But I could live up to your example. I could make a difference.”
Breathing shouldn’t be as hard as it was. Standing there. Trying to make her lungs work, while facing all those stoic faces. But she pushed on, halfway hoping she’d just pass out. End the torture. “It was about a month after that raid. I’d encrypted all the information I’d gathered. Was on my way to hand it over to CID. Hoping the Criminal Investigation Division would take it all the way to the top. See justice served, or at least, garner enough exposure McCormick would be crippled. Outed to his own damn agency.”
“Something tells me you didn’t make it.”
“Got jumped outside my tent. Woke up a couple of days later in some black ops site. McCormick staring across the table at me. Bastard wasn’t even fazed. Said he didn’t usually recruit soldiers who hadn’t proven they were battle-worthy. Warriors. Guys like you. But for me, he’d make an exception. Put my ‘intelligence-gathering skills’ to good use. That anyone who could get to him the way I had was worth hiring. Of course, turning him down wasn’t really an option.”
Bishop pounded his fist on the table, surging to his feet. “How long did they hold you?”
“About a month. After that… It seemed pointless to keep resisting. They’d systematically erased my life. And I’m not too proud to say becoming a field agent seemed a much betterprospect than dying chained to a wall in a country I couldn’t even pronounce.”
Cannon made a strangled groaning sound, pinning her with his gaze. “You didn’t write that letter to Colt, did you?”
A twitch of her lips. That’s all she could muster. “No.”
“Wait.” It was Kameron. Rising to her feet. Skin blanched white. Lips nothing more than a thin line slashed across her face. “Those emails you sent. The texts. That… Oh my god, that wasn’t you?”
Pain. Deep in her chest. Billowing up until Ellis wasn’t sure how she remained on her feet. Standing there, watching Kameron work her way toward hyperventilating hit Ellis hard. There was something different about the woman. Ellis couldn’t place it, but Kam seemed harder. Rougher. None of her smiles ever truly reaching her eyes. As if the light Ellis had admired in them had burned out.
Something had happened to Kam. The life-altering kind of bad. An event Ellis might have been able to help Kam through if she’d still been part of her life. But Ellis couldn’t alter the past. Erase what McCormick had done the way he’d erased her life. All she could do, now, was put the walls she’d erected back in place. The ones Brett had crumbled in the bathroom with one kiss.
She steeled her resolve, focusing on Kameron. “That was McCormick.”
“But…how is that possible? How did he know I’d helped gather that intel with you? That I was the one who had discretely checked the CIA’s database? Assured you Cannon and Priest’s team would be clear? Alone?”
“I—”
“All this time. You didn’t blame me?”
Ellis frowned. “Blame you for what?”
“For nearly getting Colt’s team killed. Getting Crow shot. Christ, the guy had to be revived several times on the way to the hospital. Was out for over a month.”
“Why would I blame you when I was the one who’d given the briefing? Who’d let them all down? All you did was try to help.”
“But, the emails, the texts. You were so angry. Said you never wanted to see me, again, I thought that’s why you transferred. Why…”
Shit. It had been worse than Ellis had imagined. Got her wondering if her boss had kept tabs on Kameron, too. Damn, Ellis hoped he hadn’t, not that it was the time or place to delve into that scenario. “Kameron…”
“Why didn’t you contact me? I would have helped you. Would have done…something to get you out.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But part of the agreement was staying gone. And honestly, it was safer for everyone if I did just that. If McCormick had discovered I was talking to you, that we were planning a coup… He would have had you killed. I couldn’t risk it.”
“But…” Kam swallowed. Hard. She looked at the others then sank into the chair. Silent. Defeated.
Cannon sighed. “I don’t even know what to say, Ellis. I…” He looked at Jericho. Seemed to draw strength from her smile. The way she placed one of her hands over his. Squeezed. “So, I guess we know everything except why this asshole is after you? Any ideas on that?”
He was switching gears. Speeding away from the past—the mistakes they couldn’t change—and driving headlong into the present. Into her problem. Which made sense. Men were fixers. Needed to feel as if they had some kind of control over the outcome. Which suited Ellis because it hurt staring at them. Watching them piece it all together. How they’d all just let her fade.
