The screen is filled with notifications.
One hundred missed texts. Fifty emails. Missedcalls, three from my mom. And it catches me by surprise, that falling feeling, dread from somewhere below me I can’t spot yet. How quickly that happiness can disappear without a trace.
Hi, honey, it’s me, I saw the photos and just wanted to check in and…
I exit her voicemail, my mind going numb. Photos? There shouldn’t be any photos. We purposefully went to anude beachso—my eyes snap to the ruined orange dress on the ground.
Karaoke. In clothes.
The internet unfurls under my fingertips, my own personal nightmare. My name is everywhere, every version of it, with photosfrom last night, nothing scandalous but a lot clearer than the grainy shots from Hungary; that’s proof to the fanbase. Sports reporters have thrown up clickbaitWho Is Lilah Graywood? Meet Arthur Bianco’s New Girlfriendarticles overnight that would be kind of funny, headline wise, if they weren’t real. But they are, and it’s like the internet has already chosen the narrative it’s running with: Arthur and I are deeply in love, have been dating for months, and he might quit Ignition to be with me, a rumor that doesn’t even make sense.
Until I look at the comment sections.
They’re flooded with hate, the kind of high school bullying you only remember in bits and pieces as an adult, like when you see a water fountain and remember getting shoved into one.
PaddockClub9:He CAN NOT do this to us!!!! we’ve supported Arthur for YEARS and this is how he repays us! Just as he was racing again!!!
scuderia_bianco:He turns thirty and starts dating a girl from KENTUCKY I can’t watch him actually marry this one and retire lmaoooo
hitmewithyourcarjean:well she is a “filmmaker” :// she’s probably trying to trap him so she can live off that f1 $$ forever
anyonebutfaust:yeah, shes a total freak—look at her wiki
I have a Wikipedia?
Five seconds later, and that’s confirmed.
If I was editing this part of the movie, I’d layer in the most dramatic stock music I could find, because I’m in theNetherlandsfor adocumentaryand this is happening and…
I’m done.
They know. Everyone knows.
I slept with my subject and everyone knows.
A few years back, the online documentarian community was scandalized after a guy admitted to using public domain laugh tracks, layered to look like the people he’d filmed were doing the laughing. They’d ripped into his integrity and called for a boycott of his films. What I’ve done makes free soundtracks look like child’s play and—I can’t deny it. Ignition could hide it, like they’ve hidden Arthur’s story, but could I? Would I lie to my colleagues and say that I hadn’t crossed the worst line with Arthur?
No. I can’t.
I won’t.
My body starts shaking like I’ve been thrown into a freezing lake, cold sweat coating my skin. It’s over. All of the people I’ve admired in my professional community—the political workers I’ve revered in D.C., the documentarians I’ve studied—they’re going to hear about this, me, and they’ll judge me, look down on me, and it’s okay because I’mfree. I don’t need to lie anymore about what I feel about Arthur, or keep this a secret. Holmes, Max, the money, the U.S. circuit, my movie…
The truth is out, and the truth can’t hurt me.
My work phone vibrates with a new email, notification unraveling. It’s from Sarah, a forwarded message with a quick note jotted at the top.
Hi love—in our hotel room, but wanted to send this before we met up… Wasn’t sure if you’d want everyone to know. I got this email today from someone saying they’re your mom. This is probably stupid spam and the press has done weirder but idk, it just made me feel like I had to give you a heads-up. Do you know anyone named “Delilah”? Or is there a reason why someonewould use that name to try and talk to you? Sorry if this is weird, my brain is a bit mush right now.
Mine too. My lungs sting with a quick hit of air as I thumb down the email to Delilah Prestel’s original message.
Hello,
I am sorry for the out of the blue email! My name is Delilah and I am looking for my daughter Lilah. We miss her so much! Can you please let her know that we want to talk to her about this exciting new—
I stop reading. I can’t do any more.
Who the fuck iswe?
