“And what did you conclude?”
“I don’t know yet. But it was easy enough to take a step back, at least initially, because I had bad morning sickness.”
“So this guy is treating you well.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m happy.” She paused. “I know it seems fast.”
“It doesn’t seem fast.”
It did seem fast. But maybe that was how it happened sometimes, when it was right. “I guess I was never Mr. Right.”
“It’s not that. Well, maybe you weren’t Mr. Right for me. It’s more that I always thought relationships were supposed to be hard,” she went on. “You hear that, you know? Like, marriage takes work, or whatever. But maybe that’s not actually true. Maybe when it’s right, it’s not that hard.” She snorted. “Though Iamrethinking my entire career path and identity, so maybe relationshipsarehard.”
“Maybe that’s not hard so much as it is an overdue reckoning.”
“‘Overdue reckoning,’” she said thoughtfully. “That’s a good phrase. That should be the name of your next band.”
I chuckled. “I actually think I’m going to put out a solo record.” But wait. What was this “I actually think” equivocation? I tried again. “Iamgoing to put out a solo record.”
“Good for you. You must be having a good summer, then.”
“I’m having… a really interesting summer.” And it was only half-over. I was surprisingly excited to go back for the second half, though at the same time, the prospect was daunting. I wasn’t sure I could take another month of such intense creative and personal upheaval. “I made a lot of progress, chilled out a bit,” I finished, keeping things purposefully vague.
She smiled. “I’m glad. You’ve been running yourself ragged for literal years.”
I had been. I could see that now. I thought about what Marion had said to us about the importance of rest.
“So anyway,” Karlie said, “thanks for letting me overstay. I haven’t really been in the apartment in any meaningful way for a couple months. I was more just holding on because I do like having my own space—but of course it was never really my place.”
“Yes it was. It was yours and mine.” I paused, not sure what else I wanted from her but not quite ready to hang up. “We good, Karlie?”
“Yes, of course. I’m sorry I was a shit a lot of the time.”
“Well, it took two to tango.”
“We had some fun, though.”
“We did.”
“Anyway, I gotta go. I’m getting more into the furniture stuff, and I have a potential buyer coming to look at a piece.”
“Bye, Karlie. Take care of yourself.”
“See you around, Teddy.”
Well. Knock me over with a feather. Apparently item one on my list had taken care of itself.
Which left Auden. I was due to see her tonight. What was I going to do with myself in the meantime?
I was going to rest.
I headed for the bedroom. I really did have some fancy-ass sheets.
“How was it?” I asked Auden the next day in the elevator on the way down from her first appointment with a psychologist. I’d offered to accompany her, and she’d wanted me to but asked me to wait in the lobby, which I’d been happy to do.
Well, not happy. More like nervous, worried, consumed with guilt that I hadn’t seen all this shit my sister had been carrying around for so long.
She didn’t answer right away, which was fine. I wasn’t going to push it. I mean, did I desperately want to know everything that had been said? Yes. But I also understood that wasn’t my right, or my role.
