“He asks ladies until one deigns to dance with him.”
“No. He has money.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Young ladies deign to dance with old men because they have money.”
Effie burst out laughing, and oh, how she had missed that sound. “I suppose that is true.”
“And some peoplearetoo old for some things.” She paused. She had hinted at this that night in Brighton, but she hadn’t outright said it. “Some women are too old to bear children.”
“Why would I want a child?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“We discussed this. Because a son of mine would have to be Earl of Stonely someday.”
“I take your point, but aside from that, you would make a perfectly wonderful father.”
“Do you think so?”
“I know so.”
“Be that as it may—and believe me, I am mightily flattered—the first thing a father ought to do for his children is protect them.” He was speaking fervently, and she knew what he was thinking about. “And the only way to protect my children from their fate is not to have them to begin with.”
“I suppose my point is more that most people would not allow such high moral standards to prevent them from doing something else they wanted to do, especially when that something else is to have children.”
“Julianna, I am unsure how we have ventured so far down this conversational path. I never imagined myself having children, because I never imagined myself falling in love. I felt no regret over that fact. But here I am now, in love. With you, in case you missed that. Perhaps I should have brought Leander along so he could shout it in your face again. So if you’re trying to tell me that you can’t have children, please believe me that I am taking that news in stride. It’s not that I don’t care. If you care, I care. But I care because you care. I don’t inherently care.”
“I wonder,” she said laughingly, feeling the weight of the moment start to lessen, “if you could conceive of a sentence that uses the word ‘care’ more times than your previous?”
“I think I attained the upper limit of the number of ‘cares’ that may be in a single sentence. In fact, I think you should give me a prize.”
She kissed him.
But only for a moment.
He squeaked his displeasure when she pulled away. “I am eight-and-thirty. My menses are irregular.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you know what menses are?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know what menses are.”
“Well, you do rather tend to live in your daydreams, and you were a virgin when I met you.”
“I will have you know I was a virgin due to inclination, not lack of opportunity. In fact, the very day I left for Earls Trip, I fended off not one, but two suitors.” He was laughing as he spoke, and she smiled along with him.
“My point is, I want to make it utterly clear that I believe it is too late for me to have children.”
“Mypoint is,as I told you, I have no desire to consign a child of mine to become the earl of Stonely. None.”
“What if you had a daughter?”
“He threw up his hands. If you don’t want to be with me, Julianna, just say it.”
“I can’t say it.” She wasn’t doing a very good job proposing, was she? She regrouped. “I have made a hash of this. I should like to say it’s because you’re the writer and I’m the editor. But that is merely an excuse. I do not have your way with words, but it shouldn’t take that many to say what is in my heart. Even your dim-witted bird can do it.” She took a breath. “I love you, Euphemia-Edward-Effie. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I want to marry you, most desperately, and I find that fact terrifying.”
His countenance went utterly soft. “I know you do, dearest.”
“I am going to need a new adage, aren’t I?”
