He didn’t want her to.
“I think my son is ready to doze off now.” Andy was stretched out on his stomach, staring at Shayna, a toy clutched in each hand. His eyes were half closed and his mouth slightly open. “Maybe we should get out of your hair.”
His gaze landed on her. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand.”
“No …” He gestured at the couch. “I’d rather you stay.” His jaw clenched and he muttered an indistinguishable curse. “If you want to leave, I get it, but I didn’t mean to go off track. I shouldn’t have—I didn’t mean to get into all that.”
“Sometimes the details of our lives are so interwoven, it’s impossible to share anything without sharing it all.” She knew that better than anyone.
To let him know she’d be happy to stay, Pixie sat down and then was relieved when he did the same. “I don’t mind if you want to talk about it. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like.”
“I’m still furious over it.”
“At whoever hurt her?”
“And myself.”
Every time he mentioned himself, he shifted uncomfortably.
“You didn’t hurt her, Brogan.” She felt certain of that. “And you said you were out of touch. I’m assuming with the military?”
“Mostly.” The tension built again; then he said, “I shouldhave been more receptive to Connie. As it was, she barely knew how to reach me.”
“Who had Shayna?”
Disgust showed on his face. “Connie’s parents.” With a shake of his head, he said, “Brian and Ruth—our father and her mother. They’re a waste of space, to be truthful. All that time, I’d thought I was missing out on something, and then I realized Connie was the one who’d had the bad luck.” He gave himself a moment before explaining. “I arrived in the middle of a party. It was so loud, no one heard me knocking, so I just went in. People were drunk or high, abrasive. I looked everywhere and couldn’t find a baby. I thought maybe they’d left her with a sitter, but no one seemed to know what I was talking about.”
How scary that had to have been.
“I was about to leave, but then I decided to check upstairs. I was halfway up the steps when I heard her wails.”
This time, Pixie couldn’t take it. She scooted to the edge of her seat and again rested her hand on his wrist. “She’s here now and safe,” she softly reminded him, aware of the tears gathering in her eyes.
His whispered voice sounded tortured. “She was a mess, Pixie. I don’t think her diaper had been changed all day. The bedding was gross.” He put his hand over hers and held on. “I swear, I wanted to kill someone, but the baby was my priority. Hell, I wasn’t even sure she was Shayna, but it didn’t matter. I grabbed a clean blanket and wrapped her up, then went into the bathroom and stripped her to get her clean.”
Pixie squeezed her eyes shut, but her mind supplied a vision she didn’t want to see, so she focused on Brogan instead. Big, strong, capable Brogan. Shayna’s hero.
“I’d never handled a tiny baby before. She weighed next to nothing and seemed so breakable.” His jaw worked. “Thediaper rash … To this day, it destroys me to think how bad it was.”
Heart aching, Pixie wondered who could allow such a thing. It was unthinkable—and beyond cruel.
“Soon as I got her cleaned up, I went back to the room to look for diapers, but couldn’t find any. I ended up wrapping her in my shirt, and on my way back downstairs, I called the police. I also prayed that I’d find formula of some kind and a bottle. I did, but I had to knock out some drunk asshole who protested my going through the cabinets.”
Imagining him doing that, while holding a crying infant, gave Pixie a slight smile. “Good for you.”
“The cops got there fast, thankfully. A female cop was with them, and she saved me. She had kids of her own, all older, but she knew how to fix the formula. She cleaned the bottle first, telling me to keep doing what I was doing.”
“Holding Shayna, talking softly to her?”
“Rocking a little, I guess, though I didn’t realize it at the time. By then, my little Sugar wasn’t wailing as hard, so I guess it was working.”
“Just getting her clean had to help.”
He dropped his head forward. “I didn’t know jack-shit about giving a baby a bath, if the water was too warm or too cold, but I knew the mess had to go, even though she was raw.” He clenched all over again.
Pixie sniffled, and that drew his attention.
