It wasn’t fair to Andy to dwell on that ugly episode of her life. This was his time. Everything was for him.
After all, the payoff—her sweet baby boy—was more than worth the hell she’d gone through. Plus, she’d learned some valuable lessons. She was wiser now, better equipped for lifeboth financially and emotionally, and she had Andy. He was her world.
How she’d gotten there really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. She’d call her life today a win every time.
Where Brogan was concerned, she decided to get through the next few days, and then she’d reevaluate. With a plan in mind, she bathed Andy, cleaned his teeth, and then read to him until he nodded off. Gently, she placed him in his crib.
After a kiss on his head, she got into her own bed.
Alone, the same way she planned to do for the rest of her life.
With that dismal thought, she knew she wouldn’t sleep yet, so instead she got out her sketch pad and a few pencils, then used her phone to search different fonts. She’d create for a while and hopefully she’d soon be able to get Brogan out of her thoughts.
CHAPTER4
Shayna was fussier that night than usual, but he wasn’t sure why. Brogan worried that she’d gotten too much sun, but her skin was as pale and soft as ever. She didn’t feel feverish. Twice he checked that her diaper was comfortable, and he switched her clothes in case they were somehow bothering her.
She would settle for a moment, almost doze off, then fuss again.
While carrying her around the interior of the small house, he did quick research on his phone, trying to figure out the cause. When that didn’t yield any results, he went outside to circle the property, hoping a change of scenery would soothe her.
It definitely helped to settle his own turbulent thoughts.
The chorus of chirping crickets, the soft sound of the water lapping the shoreline, and a truly stunning sunset gave him a sense of peace.
He looked down at Shayna, pleased to see that her expression was now relaxed and sleepy. He lightly kissed her forehead. “I can’t bear it when you’re unhappy, Sugar.” Keeping his tone soft, Brogan continued to talk to her while he walked. “Good news is, you’re not colicky or you’d be more upset. And since you’re not chewing your little fist, I know you’re not hungry again. I couldn’t feel anything on your gums, so I don’t think you’re cutting a new tooth yet.”
She blinked sleepily before giving in to a huge yawn.
“You’re such a sweet little Sugar, aren’t you?” At the back of the house, he paused by the door and just gently rocked her while he looked out over the water. “My guess is, you’re more aware of your surroundings now, so we’re going to try a little soft music while you sleep tonight. I have an app on my phone. What do you think of that?”
Gripping one of his fingers, she snuggled closer to his chest and closed her eyes.
Unfamiliar emotions left him feeling ungrounded. Voice low and gruff, he whispered, “Damn, Sugar, I love you so much. How did that happen so quickly? It’s like you took my heart right out of my chest, and now you hold it in your tiny little fist.”
This slight little girl owned him.I wasn’t there for you, Connie. I have to live with that, but I swear to you, I’ll do right by Shayna.The words didn’t leave his tight throat, not with the baby now sleeping.
Brogan couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. He’d probably been no more than eight or nine when he’d learned that showing too much emotion drew unwanted attention of the negative kind. His mother had mostly lived in a fog of resentment against his father, life, and sometimes Brogan, too. When she focused on him, his life was hell. She rarely hit him, but her words could cut deep—especially because he’d known they were true. He had been unwanted—by Brian, by her, and by the men she’d paraded in and out of their lives.
He decided right then that as Shayna grew up, whenever she felt the need to cry, he’d let her do so; there was nothing wrong with her expressing emotion. The biggest difference was that he’d try to help however he could. He’d offer comfort, and he’d be there for her.
Never would he shame her, not for any reason.
To distract himself from the past he’d long since buried,Brogan scrolled on his phone. He was still worried that visiting with Pixie and Andy had been a mistake. It wasn’t what Shayna was used to. According to online suggestions, she could have been overstimulated by the visit and therefore needed more time to unwind. Not that he minded walking with her. Hell, he loved it, but he enjoyed it more when she was smiling at him instead of being disgruntled.
From the moment he’d known of her existence, he’d wanted to hold her, protect her. He’d have willingly faced another deadly ambush to give her whatever she needed.
He’d never really had anyone to take care of before. No, that wasn’t true. He should have taken care of Connie, should have helped her when she needed it. But he hadn’t known because he’d made assumptions. He’d accepted rejection, used pride as a shield, and had shut out the one person who’d really wanted to know him.
He’d failed Connie in the worst possible way, but he wouldn’t fail her daughter.
And that was why he needed to maintain his growing friendship with Pixie. He immediately thought of Andy and knew he was making the right decision. Such a happy, curious little guy. Pixie was obviously an amazing mom, and that made him like her. The problem was that he was attracted to her, too. He hadn’t expected that. How could he want her when his entire existence was focused on Shayna? He couldn’t understand it, but he knew it was true.
Pixie was so small, she looked younger than she probably was; she could easily pass for seventeen. She even had the slim, willowy body to match. That should have been enough to turn his thoughts in a new direction, because he would never date anyone that young.
But the biggest lure was her kind heart. Everything about Pixie—even her name—screamed innocence. She was the light to his darkness, the calm to his storms.
She smiled, and he smiled, too. She held Andy, and in his heart, he felt the love she had for her son. She teased and his mood lifted.
