With that permission, he grabbed a condom from his wallet, put it on, and then slid inside me, making me almost cry from pleasure. We didn’t use the word, but I knew we were making love that night. I felt it based on how he looked at me, how he touched me, how he fed me not only his body but his soul.
I secretly prayed for Ash to make love to me for the remainder of my life.
Even though it was his birthday, somehow I ended up with the greatest gift.
***
I woke up the day after Ash’s birthday with him right beside me. He was sleeping with me still wrapped in his arms. My mind began to recall the night before, and I couldn’t be happier about what had happened. It was a perfect night. I couldn’t have imagined anything better.
The only problem with perfect nights? Sometimes, they could be ruined come morning.
As I lay in the bed, I shifted my body slightly to the left and felt a tinge of pain shoot through my body.
I shifted some more.
Ouch.
Perhaps the evening’s activities were too intense for my body, because my body was in so much pain that I almost had tears forming in my eyes. I felt betrayed by myself. I should’ve been enjoying the fact that Ash was there, resting with me in his arms, but all I could do was feel the pain shooting through my body.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I gently shook Ash’s shoulder. “Hey, Ash...”
He grumbled, tightened his hold on me, and fell into a deeper sleep.
I sighed as the pain intensified. More tears fell down my cheeks. “Hey, Ash... Can you wake up?”
The pain I felt wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I’d come to know it pretty well over the years. I knew the only thing I could really do was get Ash out of my apartment so he wouldn’t see me suffering. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day, but I didn’t need him to see me suffering from the pain. Not after a perfect day like yesterday. I wanted to keep pretending that I was OK. I didn’t want him to see me so broken. Therefore, I had to get him out of the apartment so I could take my pain medicine, draw up a bath, and cry by my lonesome.
I’d become a professional at crying alone from my chronic pain. The last thing I wanted was for Ash to see me at my absolute worst. I was too embarrassed to fall apart in front of an audience. Especially when the audience was him. All I wanted was to be normal for once in my life. For a little period, after losing my virginity to the man I was falling in love with, I wanted to be freaking normal.
Unfortunately, my body wouldn’t allow that to happen.
“Ash,” I said a little louder, shoving him a little harder. I wiped at my eyes and tried to push through the pain as he finally woke up.
“What is it? You OK?” he whispered, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes.
I pushed out a smile, but it fell short. “Yeah, I just... I have a lot to do today... and...”
He sat up straighter as his eyes focused on me. “You’re crying.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”
“Karla... What’s wrong?”
As I pushed myself to sit up slightly, a sting of pain shot through my body. That made the tears fall at a faster pace. My whole body shook. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing,” I admitted. “It’s just... I’m having a bit of pain from well... my body hating me. It’s nothing extreme. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time. I just don’t want you to have to witness it. I was just waking you so you could head out and—”
“What do you need?”
“What?”
“When you’re in pain like this. What do you need? How can I help you?”
My eyes dropped more tears as I recognized the sincerity in his words. “Ash, you don’t have to—”
“I’m not leaving you alone today, Karla.”
“But...”
“Hey, hey, look at me.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and made me meet his light-brown eyes. “You don’t have to do things alone anymore. I told you... I’m not going anywhere. Not this time. Not again. So please, let me take care of you.”
