I didn’t even know she knew my middle name.
I grabbed her hand midair before she could smack me again. “Wait, what am I doing to you right now?”
She took a step backward and huffed. “Don’t play dumb, Ash.”
“Trust me, I’m not playing dumb.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re ghosting me.”
“What? I’m not...” Christ. I had been ghosting her.
Well, that was until I came to my senses earlier thanks to Greyson and my mother. I’d been pushing Karla away for a few days now, and I felt awful about it.
“You’re right. I was ghosting a little,” I told her.
“Not shocking, seeing as how I met you at a cemetery. The guy who talks to ghosts also has ghosting abilities,” Karla mocked. “Great to know. I have to go.” She started walking away.
“I went into Rian’s room today,” I said as I stood in front of my brother’s tombstone. I slid my hands into my pockets.
Karla’s footsteps paused. She walked back in my direction. “You went in his room?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Why today?”
“Because I got tired of running from the things that scare me the most. My mom and I went into the room—”
“Wait, what? Your mom? Your mom is back in Chicago? Since when?”
“Since your father flew her up here today.”
“My father?” she asked, stunned.
“Yup. Your father. It’s been a pretty wild day. Also, you should probably check if your father is in the FBI or something, because he has an odd ability to find out pretty much anything about anybody. But that’s not the point of this conversation. The point is that I went into Rian’s room today.”
“Are you OK?” she asked me, her voice nowhere near as irritated as when I first approached her.
I shook my head. “No. It was hard. It’s still hard. But it also felt like healing.”
“Yeah... healing can be hard at times. But it will be worth it.”
I lowered my head and cleared my throat. “I want to heal for you.”
Karla frowned and shook her head. She placed the palm of her hand against my cheek. “No, Ash. I don’t want you to heal for me. I want you to heal foryou.”
“I just don’t want it to take forever. That’s not fair to you. You deserve my wholeness, not my broken pieces.”
“Did you love me when we were young?” she asked.
“Yes, of course I did.”
“I know.” She gently shrugged. “Ash, you loved me when I was shattered, and you called my cracks beautiful, like Kintsugi. Remember? Let me love your broken pieces the way you loved mine. Let me love your cracks and your strands of gold.”
I swallowed hard. Why was it hard for me to think I deserved the love she was giving me?
She released a small breath. “I really, really care about you, Ash. I do. And the only thing that could keep me from caring about you forever is if you need me to let you go. If I make the hard parts in your life harder, then I’ll let you go. But if I can even the slightest bit make the hard parts of you soften... well, then... I would like to stay, please.”
“Karla, I—”
