Osmanthius nodded gravely. “We are most sorry for her death. There was nothing we could do.”
Not exactly true. They could have told us we were going in the wrong direction. That could have prevented Anama’s death. But honestly, it wasn’t entirely their fault. Osmanthius was right. They had been under instruction. It was the instructor who was truly at fault.
“Where is Anama’s sprite?” I swallowed past the hard lump.
Calendula sighed. “She has gone home, to Avendir, where the river sprites reside. She was most upset at her mortal’s passing. I don’t think we’ll see her again next season.”
Next season. The thought made me want to be violently sick. But maybe that was also the lack of food, sleep and heavy blood loss.
“Are you allowed to help us get back to Valhan House?” I aimed this question at Osmanthius.
“Of course. We were only barred from assisting youwithinthe forest. And I’ll have the record show that I care a great deal for my mortal.” He squared his shoulders, looking affronted. “There were numerous times I wanted to intervene, but not all of us lack restraint.”
Calendula gave him a withering look.
I didn’t feel anger toward her. She had done more than she should have – more than any of the others, in fact – to prevent the outcome. I was too stupid not to have recognized the sign for what it was.
I sighed, turning back to wave Lana and Moric toward us. “Take us back to Valhan House, please.”
Osmanthius and Calendula were surprisingly quiet on the walk back. It seemed, having aired out their argument, the effort of flying back was now taking its toll on them. Calendula refused to sit on my shoulder, claiming she deserved better than a shoulder perch, earning her a scathing look from Osmanthius, who was nestled against Lana’s neck.
Instead, Calendula made me hold out a hand for her to rest on. It was infinitely more effort than my screaming joints and muscles could muster but I ignored the pain, just like I had ignored it for the past three days. I shoved it in the box of things I was too afraid to ever open again. It was getting surprisingly full.
The sun was setting, limning the snowy crests in glistening gold, by the time we started up the cobblestone pathway to the gate of Valhan House. Kilian stood at the arch, arms folded across his chest. As if he had been waiting.
When he saw me trudging up the steps, something inside me flickered back to life. Anger. Panic. No, not panic.Terror. Icy fear unlike anything I had ever felt before. Kilian stompeddown the pathway, meeting me halfway before I could even cross over into the courtyard. His hands reached for my face but did not touch my skin.
His expression was a mask of fury and rage, and something indescribable. “You’ve been gone for three days. Three. Days.”
I looked up into his impenetrable silver eyes. “I wasn’t aware there was a time limit on this challenge. We were told to simply survive.” My voice was a cold creature, a beast of ice and snow.
Lana and Moric paused a few feet ahead, but I could see the other instructors waiting just beyond the archway, so I motioned them forward. “Go on. I’ll be there soon.”
Kilian shifted back into my field of vision before I could get a response from my friends. “I’ve been waiting–”
“If you were so concerned, you should have sent a servant into the woods to check on us. That way you wouldn’t have had towait.”
“I’m not in the business of keeping servants,” he snapped. “And you’re missing the point. I thought you had died.”
“Why would you think that? Doesn’t your little link tell you if I’m dead?”
“Yes,” he said, through gritted teeth. “I felt your pain. It felt like my own body was being ripped to shreds. And then it went silent.”
I made to move past him, but he blocked me. “What am I supposed to say? I’m sorry the link was silent. I was dealing with more pressing issues, like staying alive. Besides, I heard you chirping in my head. You asked me if my friends’ lives were more important than my own. You told me to take both daggers and run, leaving them defenseless.”
“I told you to save yourself. The Mortal Trials are no game, Lirahna. You can’t hope to stay aliveandsave your friends. There are no winners. No friendships. There are only survivors.”
“I don’t want to survive if I lose those most important to me in the process.”
“That’s a fool’s answer.”
“Then I am a fool. Let me pass. I have been traipsing the forest for three days. I need to eat. I need to sleep. I need to see a godsdamned medic.”
“Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine. I took impid root, but I’ve lost a lot of blood. I need water, and I need to rest. I don’t have the strength to be standing in the courtyard having it out with you. I’m alive. Can you let me go now?”
He took a step closer, crowding my space, his scent hitting me for the first time in days. “You’re angry with me.”
