She stepped lithely back into position. “Septimus has been training me. We’ve been practicing our magic too.”
I raised a brow at her. “Is that all he’s been doing with you?”
The blush that crept along Lana’s cheek was sinful.
I smacked my foot against the rubber mat and swatted at her. “Solana, you have been withholding information. Out with it. Now.”
“I think I hate my full name even more than the nicknames,” Lana groaned. “But okay, fine. If you must know… last night, after dinner… he kissed me. There, happy?”
She made to turn, but I stepped in front of her. “I thought you hated him?”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have to like him to make out with him, you know? Besides, have youseenhim?”
“Yes. Septimus is hot. I get it. But Lana…” I knew it wasn’t my place, and I didn’t want to project my anger toward Kilian onto her, but I felt like shaking her awake. “They’re responsible for Anama’s death.”
Lana’s eyes flashed with pain, and she nodded, sitting cross-legged on the mat. I sat down beside her, my hands resting idly on my knees.
“I was there when Anama died too,” Lana began. “You don’t need to tell me. I know the elven are responsible. They’re responsible for this entire sick game we’re playing. But at the end of the day, we’re here to turn elven. And being here, making friends, we’ve lost sight of that. Even if you don’t like it, you need to get your head around it and start accepting the fact that not all of us are going to make it.”
She sounded exactly like Kilian. I gritted my teeth, anger bubbling as I prepared a retort.
“Don’t give me that look,” Lana said, her entire demeanor way calmer than mine. “I lost a friend as well.”
“It doesn’t seem like you cared all that much about her.”
Lana flinched like I had hit her. “Don’t you dare say that. I cared for Anama as much as I care for Moric. Foryou. She was part of our survival squad. And I am so godsdamned heartbroken that she died. But the reality is, I might die too. And you, or Moric. And there is nothing in the entire world we can do to prevent it. Life is so fleeting; we need to make the most of it. So, if I want to kiss the hot elven, I’m going to do it while I still can.”
I shook my head slowly. I knew, deep in my bones, that she was right. But it didn’t make processing things any easier. “I don’t know how to cut my emotions off like that, Lana.”
“It’s not about cutting anything off. It’s about accepting your feelings and knowing when to let go of the things you can’t control.”
I rose to my feet, restless and still annoyed. “I’m going to grab something to eat. Are you coming?”
Lana shook her head, her eyes far away. I thought maybe I had crossed the line, but I was too irritated to apologize.
She extended her legs in front of her, her gaze not meeting mine. “I’m going to take a minute to stretch. Carry on. I’ll catch up with you later.”
I left the sparring room and headed upstairs to the mess hall. Moric was already seated in his usual spot, a plate of chicken and potatoes before him. He looked haggard and dark circles rounded his eyes. Rayna sat a few seats down, her lighter in hand. She flicked the wheel, staring sourly at the flame before releasing it. Her cut had healed, finally, but she looked like she had aged ten years since last week.
As I slid into the seat across from Moric, I felt a slight pull at the back of my mind. A gentle tug that seemed to whisper my name. I lifted my gaze to find Kilian seated across the mess hall with the other elven, his eyes locked on me. A steady fire stoked the anger that was always present whenever he was near.
Can we talk?The voice was faint but unmistakably his as it scraped along the walls of my mind. I hated this stupid link. Hated that he could hop into my mind whenever he pleased. But just because he could, didn’t mean I had to acknowledge it. I decided to ignore him.
Ripping my gaze from his, I stared down at the food that had appeared on my plate.
“How’ve you been?” Moric asked, oblivious to my inner turmoil.
I shrugged. “About the same as you, I guess.”
“So, shit, then.”
“You also having trouble sleeping?” I stabbed at a crispy potato before stuffing it in my mouth.
“I keep seeing that arrow-tailed lancer.”
My eyes shuttered, the potato turning to ash in my mouth. “I know what you mean.” I sometimes expected my hands to still be covered in Anama’s blood. “It will take time to heal from that kind of trauma.”
“I just keep thinking about how that could have been any one of us. It could have been me at the bottom of that river, right now. And I don’t know what’s scarier,” he whispered. “Knowing that what’s left of Anama is down there, or the relief that it’s not me.”
