We spoke further over dinner, our conversation drifting between memories and the present. My grandmother told me stories of my mother,of her laughter and sharp wit, and of the palace life that had shaped her. I shared of Edward and Freddy. The light shifted in the room, growing softer until the stars came out, and I realized it was time to retire. But it would not be the last visit I would enjoy with my grandmother.
She kissed me on the forehead before I left.
Her invitation left a lasting warmth in my chest. “You will come again, my little Noor, won’t you? I so longed to see my daughter’s child. It is as if I have Khair again.”
I promised her I would return. As often as she wished.
Later that night, as I stepped out into the courtyard where Edward and I had been stolen, the bittersweetness of the moment overwhelmed me. The palace, with all its beauty and tradition, was a world I could admire but never fully belong to. My grandmother had welcomed me, had shown me kindness, but I knew I was a stranger here, tied to this place only by the fragile tendrils of memory.
I would never follow her faith.
Sebastian walked beside me, his expression concerned as he took my hand. “What a lovely woman. Yet I see such sadness in you. How did you find the visit?”
“Beautiful,” I said, though my voice hitched.
As the carriage carried us back through Hyderabad toward the residency, where temporary quarters had been arranged for us, my heart ached.
“Grandfather was right, Sebastian. I don’t fit into any society. Not truly—unless I bend myself fully to the whims of others,” I admitted to him.
My parents likely would not have released me to live a life I enjoyed. The English ton had toyed with me, refusing to fully accept me as I was.
And now ... Neither name suited me.
Who was I?
He tilted my face toward his, his expression tender.
I did not realize I had spoken my question out loud.
“Kitty,” he answered, “you are mybeloved. Katherine. Kit. Kitty. Noor. You must decide who you really are, and it must not depend on how others view you. I fell in love with a woman who adored her family, who searched the stars with hope. I will stay with you until the very end, no matter how you change. I’ve seen enough of your heart to know how deeply you love. Lord willing, I will always be by your side.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks, but his words filled the empty spaces within me. He drew me into his arms, and I let myself rest there, feeling the steady beat of his heart while Isaiah’s declaration whispered through me.
Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.
I was not alone. Why should I fear the future? Despite the sorrow Edward and I had experienced, we had both found a home and a family. And I had finally discovered true freedom, just as Freddy and Sebastian had promised.
Later that evening, I sat by the window in our quarters of the residency and finally penned a letter to my grandfather. The words came slowly, faltering at first, but eventually, they flowed as my pen flew across the foolscap.
Grandfather, I forgive you.
I cannot carry this rage any longer and allow it to destroy me. Whatever your reasons for your actions, they have shaped me into the woman I am.
I would no longer be without a voice. How could I be without a voice, if the heavenly Father above shaped my path and whispered where I was to take the next step? Nor would I drink the poison of bitterness, allowing it to steal the best parts of me and the love I had to give others.
When I finished, I folded the letter and set it aside to be posted in the morning. I could only pray that Grandfather would find peace at the end of his life. I would likely never see him again. He did not deserve mercy, but then none of us did, and I could not help but remember my husband’s grace toward Lord Chudley, even with the scar slashed across his left cheek.
No matter my grandfather and Lord Sinclair’s actions, God remained in control.
As I gazed out at the stars that evening, their light piercing the darkness, the words of the psalmist came to me:
When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
I closed my eyes, a sense of peace washing over me. I belonged to the One who had created the heavens. He had never lost me, even in my confusion and despair. His plan, though often hidden, had been weaving a tapestry of grace and purpose in my life.
With Sebastian’s love and my faith to guide me, I could step forward into the future, trusting in the One who had called the stars by name.
Outside our room, a balcony awaited. I removed my telescope from my luggage.
