“The past.”
Masika tensed. Catherine had never spoken of her past before—it was a decision she vehemently defended. She didn’t believe in rehashing what had already happened. In clinging to a life that was no longer hers.
“You mean…thepastpast?” Masika asked, sitting up on her elbows.
Catherine nodded.
“The night it happened…” she whispered, still staring out into the distance, “it was raining.”
Masika held her breath. She’d always hoped Catherine would open up to her about her past, but she also couldn’t help but feel as though this sudden decision to bring up her old life had less to do with opening up, and more to do with something troubling.
Something darker.
“You don’t have to talk about—” Masika began, but Catherine interrupted, finally tearing her gaze away from the distance and looking down at Masika.
“I want to,” she said, a seriousness in her voice.
Masika felt herself nod. “Okay.”
Silence stretched between them. Catherine swallowed, fingers nervously fidgeting with a loose thread on the blanket.
“I wasn’t sick,” she finally whispered after what felt like an eternity of silence.
Masika blinked, taken aback. “What?”
“I know I told you that my death was brought about by sickness,” Catherine explained, voice wavering, “but…that’s nottrue.”
Masika’s chest twisted, her breaths quickening. She wasn’t sure what it was exactly about Catherine’s confession, but it sent a current of panic through her limbs. A part of her couldn’t help but feel a slight sting of betrayal. Masika’s death had come to her after years of grueling sickness—after years of IV drips and hospital visits and endless rounds of medication. She had connected with Catherine because of their shared suffering. Or at least, she thought she had.
“Go on.” Masika nodded encouragingly despite the knot in her throat.
“My life…it was…it was taken from me.” As soon as the words left Catherine’s lips, a gasp sprang from Masika’s throat. “By someone I trusted. By someone I loved.” Catherine’s voice wobbled as she regained her composure. “I know I shouldn’t have lied to you. But I…I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”
Masika sat up, fully turning to face Catherine.
“I’m so sorry.” Even as she said the words, she knew they weren’t enough. Nothing could ever be enough to heal a wound like that.
“Ever since, I’ve…I’ve felt so out of control,” Catherine continued. Tears welled behind her eyes, her chest shuddering as her breaths quickened. “Not only was my life taken from me, but…then to end up here? Without a choice? Unable to decide my own fate?” A strange lilt of anger twisted her words, though it faded when her eyes found Masika’s again. “And then I met you. And Ijust…I wanted to be good for you. Happy. Free from those burdens and feelings and just…I guess I just wanted to match your light.”
Masika gripped Catherine’s hand tightly.
“You don’t need to hide anything from me,” Masika said.
Catherine chuckled, though her eyes remained downcast. “You say that now…”
“Catherine,” Masika interjected, sitting up. She cupped the other girl’s face tenderly in her hands. “Listen to me. There is nothing you could do that would ever change the way I feel about you.Nothing.”
Catherine’s eyes bored into Masika’s. There was something lingering there, something just beyond what Masika could see. Unspoken words. The desire to say more, tempered by something dangerously close to fear.
“My little dove…” Catherine smiled. “I truly, truly hope not.”
As the present came rushing back in, Masika clamped her hands firmly around her knees, tugging her legs in toward her chest.
Just lie back down, Masika thought, coaxing her body into slumber.Close your eyes.But no amount of self-soothing seemed to be enough to still the nervous energy fluttering inside her chest. To eradicate the old memories from her consciousness.
She was about to go for a walk in an effort to calm her mind when she heard a voice.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
