I stopped myself from saying only negative things, though. “I hope it works out for him,” I stated. “Maybe it will for Max, too.”
“I don’t like how he was just treating you. You drove all the way out there and he acted like it was his due, not like you did him a favor.”
“We,” I corrected. “Wedrove out there and did him a favor.” I was so glad that Shane had come, getting out of the house and standing up for me.
“But he was only rude to you.”
“Well, you’re a lot bigger. Max has an innate sense of self-preservation,” I explained. “He always knew when to cut short the presentations for his business ideas and duck out of the house, for example, in case things blew up. But actually, Dad never acted very mad at him. He would just stare and shake his head, like he was confused. Disappointed.”
“It must be hard to watch your kids fail to rise up to their potential,” he said. “Or when things happen, even stuff out of their control, it would be terrible to see them fail to live out their dreams.”
He was looking through of the window as he spoke and I wondered what he was seeing there—a professional football career that had passed him by? I had been a fan of the Woodsmen forever, and I knew that even the third-string quarterback earned a living that was more than comfortable. Their salaries were shocking, really. If you managed to hang around for a few years in the pros, you could have been set for life.
“I know my dad felt really, really let down by my brother. But he wasn’t sorry for Max. He was sorry for himself, for his ownmissed opportunities,” I said. “He would have liked to be the father of a successful son and coast along on that. I have to say that I wouldn’t have minded a little kickback for the restaurant, either. Now it looks like my brother will be getting that from his fiancée and I don’t like that it’s her responsibility.”
“Why? That’s what people do.”
“Fork over money to failing businesses?” I asked.
“No, they support the people they love,” he told me. “My mom worked to put my dad through school and then he did the same thing for her. When she was starting out her business, he used to come in during his lunch hour and do administrative stuff, and she did his bookkeeping for free. They helped each other.”
“It was mutual,” I pointed out. “But all Max does is take. That was what my father did, too, and I feel sorry for Avonlea. She’ll be the person who’s always going to give and never get anything back. Maybe she’ll see that before they get married.”
“Or maybe, he’ll see that in himself and want to change,” Shane suggested. That was definitely the best-case scenario but I didn’t have a lot of hope that it would happen.
We did go for a walk together once we got home, but we were both quiet. I was thinking a lot about Walter’s Café and I was also fielding texts about the place from Max and our mom. Shane had seemed more like himself when we were there and he was telling my brother to STFU (not literally, since he didn’t curse), but he had now retreated into the glumness that I didn’t like a bit.
It continued through dinner, grilled fish (we opened all the windows, because I felt sorry for our nice neighbor next door) and mixed green salad with purslane and lots of chopped vegetables. Now that I was accustomed to it, eating this way wasn’t so bad.
I went to bed a while later to be ready for my early shift at the drug store the next morning, but I heard Shane sitting in the squeaky chair at the table for hours longer. It seemed like my mind was too full to quiet down that night. I listened to him get up and go into the bathroom. The water ran through the pipes next to my bed before he went into his own room.
I could hear him in there, too, if I listened hard enough. He didn’t seem to be sleeping either, because his bed creaked again and again. I heard his door open and then there was a soft knock.
“Come in,” I called, and a large, dark form filled my doorway.
“I heard you tossing around. Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“No.” I sat up. “You, too?”
He moved closer, hands outstretched. I thought, suddenly, that this room could have been a lot easier for him. Why did I have a chair sitting right in the way? In fact, the whole house could have been better organized for a person who couldn’t see as well.
“Take one step, then turn towards me and take another one forward,” I said. When he was close enough, I reached for his hand and pulled him to sit on the mattress. “You could have turned on the light,” I pointed out.
“I didn’t want to wake you up.” He laughed quietly. “I didn’t want to wake you up more, I meant. Are you thinking about your brother?”
I had been, but there were other things, too. I was thinking about the email I’d gotten earlier, the one with the subject line “congratulations” and the name of a company in Tempe, Arizona. After a lengthy process that had included two video interviews and one on the phone, they had offered me a job. I’d never been to Arizona. I’d never been west of Ludington on the Lake Michigan shoreline. It was so exciting!
But I’d also been thinking a lot about the person now seated next to me on the bed, which was small in order to fit in this room. “There’s a lot on my mind,” I answered. “What about you?”
“I was mostly going over what you said about how I wasn’t leaving the house. I’m sorry I scared you,” he apologized. “You were right that I was doing it on purpose. When I knocked over that tray and Isaiah got cut, it put the fear into me. Off the field, I’ve always been careful about other people. My sisters are tough but they’re all smaller than I am and I never wanted to hurt anybody. Seeing the blood coming out of Isaiah’s arm made me realize how much of a risk I am.”
“It was—”
“It was an accident,” Shane filled in. “Yeah, and it could have happened to anyone. It happened to Isaiah because I couldn’t see the tray of drinks in the dark. Maybe I won’t see a kid running across the road. What else am I missing?”
“Driving must be scary.” What would he do if he had to give up his license, though?
His thoughts were running along the same lines. “How am I going to do my job if I can’t get to it? Will I have to pay someone to chauffeur me? I need to save for the future,” he said. “What if I can’t work? And what am I going to do during the season? It’s coming up so fast.” He reached to rub his eyes but then stopped. “I’m supposed to catch every detail on the field but I could easily miss things.”
