“Oh,” she said simply, and Mal swallowed. The last thing he wanted Jo to feel for him was pity, especially not now, on the legs of his blundered confession. But when she spoke again, it wasn’t pity he heard, but something like envy.
“I don’t think I could do that,” she said. “Fall in love again, if someone I loved did that to me.”
The words themselves were chiding, as if she were chastising him for expressing his feelings too soon, but she said it like she was in awe of him, like she found his capacity to still love something to be admired.
“It’s not something I actively chose to do,” Mal said, feeling his face warm. “It just happened.”
“That can’t be true,” Jo said. “It didn’t just slam into you like a ton of bricks—like,Wow, I think I love this woman. It had to be a decision, right?”
That’s exactly what happened, Mal thought. Jo had grabbed hold of his hand in that bedroom at the Adelmans’ and he’d felt himself sink like he’d stepped into quicksand. That had been natural. Only his resistance afterward, his attempts to slow himself down, had required intention.
“It wasn’t conscious, Jo,” he said.
“It is for me,” Jo said quietly. She tucked herself farther under the covers. “You’re very brave, is all I’m saying.”
This, from the woman who had looked him dead in the eye and told him that she intended to sleep with him on the first date. From the woman who spoke her mind so clearly that she transformed him into someone who could do the same, if only in her presence. He told her as much, and she snorted.
“That’s not me being brave. That’s me being careful. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react to someone’s truth.Talk to them straight, without all the social niceties, and they’ll let you know sooner rather than later if they’re someone you can trust.”
Mal started, looking down at her with renewed understanding. Suddenly, his early interactions with Jo made sense.How she’d behaved during their first date, coming after him with rapid-fire questions, how he had once felt like their conversations weren’t conversations exactly, but oral examinations. The small sense of triumph he felt when he realized he’d provided the answers she sought. Even the way she seemed with him lately: less intense, more playful, like once he’d stepped over her defenses, she’d let him closer to her real self.
“But you trust me?” Mal said, wanting to hear her confirmation.
From this vantage point, Jo’s eyes were round, shining.
“As much as I possibly can,” she said. “More than I should, if I’m being real.”
“More than you should?” Mal echoed.
Jo sat up, and he worked very hard to focus on her eyes and not the full, swaying breasts she’d brought back into view.
“Do you want me to be honest?” she asked. “Or do you want me to be nice?”
The fact that there was a choice to be had shook him, but his answer was obvious.
“Honest,” he said. “Always.”
Jo didn’t look away, but her gaze sharpened, and he could sense that he was walking into another test.
“The first thing I wondered when you told me you loved me was whether it was a trap,” she said. Mal winced, but she pressed on. “That maybe you were love bombing me and going to turninto a monster the second I got comfortable, or that you’re currently trying to replicate what you had with your ex and will drop me once you realize I’m not her. At best, that you’re just saying things because the vibe felt right and you’re happy to get laid.”
Her words burned like a fire iron against his chest. All this while, Mal had thought that Jo assumed the best of him, only to find that it was the opposite, that actually she assessed him through the most uncharitable light possible.
“That’s... I’m sorry that’s how you feel,” he said. “But that doesn’t sound like me at all.”
Jo turned his head back to her by his chin. “You’re hurt,” she said.
“A little,” he admitted.
She ducked her gaze, but she didn’t apologize, nor did she take back her words.
“For what it’s worth, I assume the worst of everyone. And most of the time, I’m right.”
“Did that go for Ezra too?”
The second the words left his mouth, Mal wished he could snatch them back. Even to his own ears, they sounded petty, and he wondered if by uttering them out loud he’d set himself back.
But Jo didn’t look upset. Instead, she snorted with amusement.
