She knew, of course, that Sebastien had been tasked by his father to soften her up for an offer from Soren. She’d known it before she’d touched his intimate, dreaming self, finding that he’d been asked to befriend her, though seducing her had been a sincere desire of his. And his ambitions to connect himself to her were all his own. She’d also caught glimpses of his life growing up at Vega, and it made her sick to witness the darkness inside him from those women who’d used him. Sebastien thought of Rose as the one who’d save him from ever having to trade on his sexual favors again. It wasn’t exactly the stuff of true love, but her heart hurt for him. It wasn’t entirely his fault that he viewed intimate relationships as transactional.
“I know that everyone wants their own Oneira,” he said, confirming her thoughts. Sebastien liked her; they were undoubtedlyfriends. But she was also a means to an end for him and always had been.
“I’m not anywhere near her caliber,” Rose said, her gaze traveling to the ring. It was too much. A sick fear sank through her gut, the sensation of chains vising tighter into her bones.
“Notyet,” Sebastien corrected lightly, tapping the tip of her nose, his grin fading as he searched her face. He set the jewelry box aside. “What’s wrong, Rose?”
“We can’t get married.”
“Well, not yet. We can have a long engagement and…” He trailed off as she was shaking her head.
“You don’t love me,” she told him, knowing it to be true. “And I don’t love you, not like that.”
“What is love?” he retorted with the jaded cynicism of a lifelong courtier. “No one marries for love, except for foolish idealists. You’ve said your parents don’t love each other.”
“Exactly. I don’t want their marriage.”
He sighed with impatience. “We wouldn’t be like that. We’re friends. We care about each other. You know me better than anyone, Rose. And we have great sex,” he added with a wicked smile.
He was right. And it still felt so wrong.
“I thought you would agree with all of that,” he said. He sounded so wistful, the motherless boy who’d been so alone at court, with no one to care for him except his two spinster sisters. She and Sebastien had so much in common that way, surprisingly, given their very different lives, neither of them quite fitting in, despite—or perhaps because of—their elevated birthrights.
“Of course all of that is true. But I don’t know about getting married,” she said, because she truly didn’t know.
“We can talk about it more later.” Far off, the bells rang around the academy for lights-out. “Shall we go to bed?” Sebastien murmured the question against her hair, his caresses turning ardent, his elegant, sensitive fingers rising to cup her breast,lips nuzzling her temple, urging her to lift her lips to his. “Let me demonstrate how very sincerely I cherish every bit of you.”
She obliged him in the kiss, needing to feel that pure communion with him. Lips and hands and skin didn’t lie, didn’t calculate and strategize. They at least had that much. “Yes,” she answered against his mouth, body yearning into his.
Rising, he carried her to the bed, leaving Nina and Nonna to sleep before the fire. Draping her over the bed with infinite care, spreading her black hair around her in a fan the way he liked to see it, he undressed her, taking his time. Naked, she lay in the firelight, entranced by the way it gilded his lean body, absorbing every nuance of her golden lover as he made love to her.
Night and day, the other students called them. For the first time, it arrowed into her the truth of that supposedly playful, romantic titling: night and day could never fully exist at the same time.
They could only meet at the crepuscular edges, and then only fleetingly.
9
In the morning, Rose and Sebastien had a fight. Not just an argument, nor a quarrel where they bickered amiably about some triviality. This was an actual fight, their first, and a painful one.
Sebastien came in from taking Nina and Nonna outside, returning with snowflakes in his golden locks and the scent of cold air wafting around him. Rose had just finished dressing for the day and was doing her hair. She squealed when he pressed his cold nose against the nape of her neck. “Good morning, my queen,” he murmured, spanning her waist with his big hands.
Not at all in the mood to be touched, Rose squirmed, keeping it playful. “You’re freezing! Get off me, you big lunk.”
He kissed her once more, laughing, then went to sprawl in a chair, Nina and Nonna immediately taking up flanking positions to rest their chins on either knee. Setting his hands on their heads, he gazed affectionately at Rose. “Just think. This could be us always. When we get married and live at Castle Vega. You’ll be a legendary sorceress and I’ll keep the castle vermin-free by talking to the cats. We’ll have a dozen children, even more grandchildren and great-grandchildren, then grow old together.”
With effort, Rose leashed her rising irritation. Sebastien didn’t realize what he was asking, not thinking aboutherreality. He hadn’t seen that list of magical chores she’d have to tend just to keep her debt from snowballing. Still, when did he think she’d have time for pregnancy and childbirth? She couldn’t afford to be near to term or ill with morning sickness when called into a pitched battle. If she learned to physically walk the Dream, oneof the most lavishly rewarded tasks on every list, she wouldn’t be able to do that pregnant, would she?
“I want half a dozen little girls with long black hair and fierce dark eyes,” Sebastien mused, “and another half dozen blond with green eyes. No boys. They only get into trouble.”
“Sebastien…” All the words and worries in her mind wrestled for priority, getting tangled up so that she couldn’t find words to finish. But the image arrested her. Children with Sebastien’s sunny nature, golden curls, and green eyes. If she had children, she wouldn’t be alone.
“Don’t you want children? I know we use enchantments to block our fertility now,” Sebastien continued, frowning, “but I thought that was temporary, while we’re students.”
“I thought that we were going to talk about this later.”
“That was last night,” he pointed out amiably. “Thisislater.”
“Do you have reason to think your father will bring you back to his court once you graduate?” she asked him.
