Certain decisions arrive from levels to which we are not privy,the letter said. And that told me everything I needed to know.
Because this couldn’t have been a decision from my direct superiors or even sponsors. This meant someone else got involved. Someone with power who really didn’t want me to continue writing forThe Hallowing Hour.
I couldn’t help but think of Chase and Avenor from the ASS, and the letter from the Sable Syndicate that Thayer received. I had a strong feeling either one of the two could be responsible.
Either way, I had no proof other than my own account and my involvement with Lucien.
An image of my apartment after the break-in came to mind. The ruined sheets upon sheets of paper on which I’d dedicated all my adult life to recording everything supernatural I had encountered. The torn world map with the colored pins on the floor. All I had left was my laptop and my Spellscript notebook.
But being the technophobe that I was, I hadn’t bothered to document anything online, preferring to use good old pen and paper. So all I had were the articles I wrote, without any of my research in existence.
I also no longer had access to the magazine’s resources.
But you’re not going to start from scratch,a little voice reminded me.You have Lucien now. He mentioned talking to Blaise, with his connections to the Underearth ...
That gave me pause. Right—yesterday evening Lucien had said something that alluded to the Underearth being in some way connected to what happened to Willow and Julianna.
I glanced at the entrance door and grimaced. In my bout of utterly selfish thoughts, I’d also forgotten about what really mattered. Willow and Julianna were what really mattered. My job, my apartment, my feelings for Lucien ... These things wouldn’t bring justice to my sisters.
So the question that remained was, what would?
Thayer and I were eating dinner when the howling started.
My brother seemed a little ill at ease from the sounds, shifting uncomfortably in his chair as he barely touched the pasta on his plate.
I had to admit, I wasn’t feeling much better. The howls were eerie, like a bad omen, and with the image of Kate in my mind, and what Lucien might need to be put through, I couldn’t help but feel a chill crawling up my spine.
Neither Thayer nor I talked as we attempted to eat the takeout Thayer had brought over when he returned from a whole day in the Concordian Ward with Anais and Enoch, and when the howling didn’t stop, we both gave up trying.
As Thayer washed the dishes and I rinsed, he broke the terse silence and said, “I wonder what it feels like to lose yourself for a whole night.”
Thinking of Kate, I felt sick. I didn’t want to tell him about Wildlight.
“I imagine it feels both terrifying yet freeing,” I responded, rinsing the plate, trying not to jump when some howls echoed ominously close. “Though what would I know?”
Thayer nodded slowly, rigidly, as he handed me the last plate. “It’s surreal,” he murmured, “to think that this kind of creature has been living under our noses all this time.”
His words made me freeze as I put the plate I rinsed in the rack, and I turned to him, letting my anxious curiosity get the better of me. “You’ve been adapting exceptionally well to the whole idea of the supernatural ever since you landed here, all things considered,” I stated cautiously.
His gray eyes were filled with grief when he turned to stare at me. “A lot of things have happened in the last few days,” he said quietly. “Your apartment was trashed. You were hurt through Lucien. The threatening letter I got. It would be more surprising if I kept denying what I saw with my own eyes—let alone stupid.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little. “God forbid a person acts stupid.”
Shooting me a somewhat filthy look, he stepped back from the sink and folded his arms. “All these years, I didn’t want to believe you, Drew,” he suddenly said, face serious. “I didn’t want your words to be the truth, even though the moment you told me what happened eight years ago, a deep part of me knew you had no reason to lie. Not about something like this.”
Catching my gaze, his expression was full of regret when he said, “Out of all of us four, you were always the most sensible one. You hardly ever lied, unless it was for Will’s or Jules’s sake. You were always the most reliable. If I didn’t believeyouof all people, then who should I have believed?” He paused, sucked in a deep breath, and looked away when he softly added, “I just ... I needed an explanation I could process. A concrete logic I could follow. That our sisters were gone because of some supernatural creature appearing out of nowhere wasn’t enough to ease my own guilt.”
My heart broke a little at his admission. To think that some part of him believed me all this time yet was forced down in denial ... it hurt. It fucking hurt.
But at the same time, I couldn’t erase the fact he was feeling guilty about that day too. After all, I wasn’t the only one who lost two sisters.
Thayer did too.
There was nothing left to say after that, and Thayer excused himself and retired for the night.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep.
It wasn’t just the never-ending sound of wolves howling to the moon that prevented me from falling asleep, but rather the conversation with Thayer that kept circling in my mind.
