That wasn't really what she was upset about. Maya could acknowledge that she should have expected they weren't just going to sit back and wait until she was ready to talk to find out who she was. The reality was, she might never be ready to talk. It was a small betrayal, but it wasn't what had her ready to give up and drift away for good this time.
What made her want to give up was knowing that even good people weren't really any less selfish than bad people. Thunder had convinced her that this was a safe place. Not just physically safe, but emotionally safe as well.
And she’d believed him.
Stupid really. She should have known better. Hadn't life taught her anything?
People were always selfish.Always.They never put anyone before themselves. She’d been too young to realize that before she was abducted, but she got it now. Thunder and the others were kind to her only because they wanted something in return. Something she didn't have to give. She didn't know where Master had gone when he left the island.
When they realized that, they would throw her away.
Although it made zero sense to her at the time, she’d been hysterical when her first owner had returned her. By then, years after she’d been sold, she’d become so conditioned to her newlife that it had honestly felt like the worst rejection she’d ever experienced.
At least ithadbeen the worst rejection she’d ever suffered.
Until now.
This would be worse because she’d allowed herself to trust Thunder. She’d sought comfort from him, allowed him to kiss her, and shared her love of art with him.
She didn't want to be thrown away again when she stopped being useful.
But she didn't want to stay either.
Maya was so confused, she was getting a headache.
She needed an outlet for her emotions, but she didn't have one. The art studio was ruined, it was a bribe, and she didn't want to be manipulated anymore. So as badly as she wanted to go up there and paint out the mess of emotions weighing her down, she felt like she couldn’t.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but us knowing more about you will help. No one will pressure you to talk to your family if that’s what you're worried about,” Rose said.
While she was worried about that, worried that once Thunder and the others realized she had nothing of value to offer she’d be sent to her family before she was ready, it wasn't what hurt the most.
It was just knowing that not even supposedly good people could be trusted. How was she supposed to navigate the world, which was already a terrifying place to her, when there wasn't a single person she could depend on?
“Everyone here wants to give you space, but we’re also worried about you. You're one of us now, Maya, and?—”
A growl cut off Cassandra’s words.
It took her a moment to realize the sound had come from her. It was the third sound she’d made now, after humming, and then laughing the other day with Thunder, and it had caught her bysurprise. She hadn't done it on purpose, she just wanted them to stop saying her name.
Her name belonged to her, and she hadn't given anyone permission to use it.
Rage danced inside her. It felt like a physical being, prowling about, looking for an outlet, only it couldn’t find one. She wanted them to stop calling her Maya and pretending that they cared about what happened to her. They didn't. They only cared about getting information from her that didn't even exist.
Without thinking, she flung herself off the bed, and then she was running out of the room. Running down the halls. Running up the stairs instead of down them.
The art studio had been tainted by Thunder’s betrayal, but she had to get her emotions out before they consumed her, and painting was the only way she knew how to do it.
Chapter
Twelve
March 3rd
8:44 P.M.
She painted like she was possessed.
Had been at it for hours now.
