Finally, the storm of emotions inside her was calming.
The fear receded, the anger dimmed, her heart rate slowed so it no longer felt like her heart was trying to hammer its way out of her chest, and that bar that seemed to press into her lungs, constricting her ability to breathe, loosened.
Important.
Special.
Those words raced through her mind. Not just because they were words no one should be saying about her, and not just because she’d never expected to hear them falling from Thunder's lips, but because it sounded like he meant them.
Actually meant them.
No.
He’s lying to you. He has to be.
No one could ever think you're important or special.
All he’s trying to do is keep you close because he feels that you're slipping away from him, and he’s not finished with you yet.
Once he’s finished with you, he’ll throw you away, and then he won't be saying those things about you anymore.
You're dirty and damaged, not important and special.
The insidious voice inside her mind whispered to her, sounding too much like Master for her liking.
How many times had that man reminded her how ruined her body and her mind were?
Too many to count.
How many times had he reminded her that she was lucky to have him because, despite how damaged and dirty she was, he didn't mind, that he was still happy to use her body?
Also, too many to count. Enough times that she believed it.
Yet …
Thunder didn't seem to mind her sitting on his penis. His fingers swept gently down her arms, the motion soothing, the light touch keeping her grounded when her mind wanted to scurry away into its safe little place. There was an almost tender expression on his face, and when she forced herself to meet his gaze, she would have sworn she saw affection there.
Genuine affection. Not faked.
But did she even know the difference anymore?
The truth was, after so many years locked up and tortured, she’d lost her ability to read people and emotions. She’d thought that there was something real building between her and Thunder, but then what she’d heard changed everything, and now she wasn't so sure. Maya didn't want anything between her and anybody, and yet … she liked the feel of him inside her. It was soothing and comforting in a way nothing else could be. And she couldn’t imagine sitting on anyone else’s lap like this. Not any of the other guys, and it wasn't because they already had partners, it was because with them it would be weird, sexual, and this just felt … right.
Sex.
Was it possible if she offered Thunder sex, he might not throw her away when he got what he wanted from her?
“I won't use your name again, babydoll,” Thunder murmured as his hands drifted toward her back and he began to trace the length of her spine.
He was so fixated on her name, and while she hated the sound of it coming from his lips or anybody else’s, it wasn't what she was most upset about. It was knowing that she wasn't there because they cared about her one way or the other, it was just because they wanted something from her, and she wassotired of people only wanting something from her.
For once, it would be nice for someone to care only about what she wanted instead of what they wanted from her.
“It’s okay, babydoll, I've got you,” Thunder whispered, and he leaned in, hesitating for long enough that she was sure he was going to kiss her properly before shifting slightly and pressing a kiss to her forehead instead.
But hewantedto kiss her properly.
Maybe Thunder was just using her, pretending to be nice to her to get her on their side, but she was positive he was at least attracted to her. Maya had no idea why. She was too skinny, too pale, there were scars on her body, and she could no longer speak out loud, but regardless of all of that, Thunder seemed to find something attractive in her.
