“Ask Torain, if you need to know. But if who I am is so gods-damned important to you, why the fuck are you keeping it secret?”
His hands grip into fists and he drags in a deep breath. I can feel the anger boiling in him. Pure, deadly fury.
“Because I’m still waiting to see if you’ll wake up one day and decide to run me through with your sword,” he snaps. “I wasn’t going to give them hope just to take it away.”
“Tempting,” I hiss. “And glad to know you never believed in me at all.”
“YourHellionshave killed the other ancients. I thought our dragons were the only ones left, until the kraken rose up to protect you from Savasaeirn. I will do anything it takes to protect my people.Anything. You and me together, no matter what you are or who you’ve been, are the best chance we’ve got right now.”
“Butmarriage?”
“I needed to be able to find you if you ran. I needed to be able to trust you if you said you were on our side. And yes, I needed to make sure nobody would try to kill you. I thought it would stop them.”
I wet my lips and swallow. None of those reasons have to do withme. Just the war. That thing, in the ocean. He really thinks he needs it to survive.
He tricked me into being his wife just to gain another weapon. No wonder Roiven is so fixed on why I hate the sea. He needs to find a way around it.
I should be relieved that he doesn’t want me. That he didn’t want to trick me into marriage; he really did just need the bond. And yet. For some reason I can’t name, that hurts worse. Far worse.
The War-Father only wanted a weapon, too.
“Just tell me this,” I whisper, as my anger ebbs and leaves only emptiness behind. “Am I nothing but a tool to you? Do you look at me and see anything more than a weapon that you hate?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Tell me.”
Roiven runs a hand through his hair.
“I planned it all, Cai,” he growls. “I calculatedeverythingbetween us to get you to see you were on the wrong side of this war. Hate me if you must, so long as you hate the Empire too.”
My chest is so tight it hurts.
But he didn’t answer me with a yes or a no. And he’s staring desperately into my eyes.
“You didn’t answer. Tell meyouhateme.”
“I hate the Empire. I hate what they did to you. I hate what they convinced you to do.”
I draw a ragged breath. My hope is so thin I could snap it in half.
“But me,” I whisper. “Don’t you hateme?”
“What do you expect me to say?”
Still not a real answer.
“The truth. If you want me to fight for you, at least give me that.” He runs his hands over his face.
“The truth?” he whispers hoarsely. “The truth is that you’re destroying me.”
“How?”
His hands find the sides of my face. Roiven stares down at me, breathing hard. I shiver and don’t push his hands away.
“Because I should hate you, but I don’t. And because I shouldn’t want you, but Ido. Because when I hear you screaming in the middle of the night the only thing I want to do is hold you so tight you forget every horror you’ve ever faced.”
“Roiven,” I whisper, my voice shaking. He keeps going.
