My head spins harder. Why am I apologizing for attacking a witch, just because he couldn’t fight back? It’s like I’m proving Harfor was right to get rid of me and the War-Father was right to condemn me.
Roiven stops patting my shoulder and just holds me. I feel him sigh, his chest rising and falling slowly beneath me. I’m soaking his shirt with tears.
I push myself up and wipe at my face, gulping for air.
“This is fucked up.”
“Loss isn’t easy,” he says. “Don’t apologize for having kept a piece of your heart.”
The Bluff shudders beneath me as Sava lands. Roiven looks up at her.
“We can’t harm her,” Roiven says. He’s talking to Sava, not me. Words I’m sure he’d say in his head if I hadn’t forbidden it. “Not if she’s his.”
The dragon huffs in response. A warm blast of air.
I don’t want to be “his.”There’s a pounding pressure behind my eyes. I don’t want any of this. I wish I could turn back time and be who I used to be, a knight on a ship fighting in the glory. Things were simple then. Straightforward. I was happy, most of the time.
And yet that life no longer wantsme.They abandoned me for two years, and then tried to kill me. Harforandthe War-Father. And now that I know what happened here, at the Bluff, I’m not sure I’d go back even if I could.
I’m going to take the obedience off Roiven, and he’s going to mount Sava and vanish into the night. I’m going to be alone on the Bluff.
I want to talk to the War-Father. I want to hear him tell me that I was meant to die, because if that’s what he believes after I spent my life in his service, I at least deserve to hear it from the Exalted himself. And if he’s on the front line, headed for the Gray Tower, there’s only one way I could possibly reach him to confront him.
“I can get rid of all of it,” I blurt. Roiven and Sava both look at me. “Your enchantment, I mean.”
“I don’t have a month.”
“How long will it take you to get home?” I ask. “To the Tower?”
“It…” Roiven starts. Sava growls. I think she doesn’t want him togive me information. “...depends what route we take,” Roiven finishes in a mutter.
“You’re worried about them attacking. But you have at least a week. I’d guess more like two. I could at least get rid of more than just the obedience if you take me with you.”
Roiven folds his arms. Sava looks out at the ocean, and I wonder if she’s looking for the kraken, worried it will strike again. It’s hard to imagine a dragon of her size scared of anything.
“How can you be sure?”
“Harfor said they needed more from the council, so she’ll be headed there to report the attack, or to be in place to speak to the council when someone else does. Right?”
He nods his head slowly.
“Rancor—the ship we just saw—she’s fast. But it’ll still take her maybe three days at full speed to reach Barivum from here, where the council sits.”
My tongue is heavy in my mouth. Telling him this is treason. But I can’t bring myself to care as much as I should. I need to get back to the Wild Seas, and the war.
I need to look the War-Father in his cold, Enchanted eyes and ask if I ever meant something to him, or if I’ve just been a tool this whole time.
“They'll be traveling for three days,” Roiven echoes.
I close my eyes, draw a ragged breath, and nod.
“The council doesn’t usually move fast about funding. But in an emergency, or… in the face of a tragedy,” I add with a gulp, “they might reach a decision in a day or two. There’s not much they can do to build new ships or outfit sailors in any fast amount of time, but if they just want power, well, there are hundreds of people in the debtor prisons in Barivum.”
“They’ll kill them,” Roiven says flatly.
“No,” I protest. “Not… not directly. Just consecrate them to enchantment. Their families won’t carry their debts or their shames. It’s an honor.” Even as I say the familiar words they feel like stones in my mouth, sharp and heavy and difficult to work my tongue around.
“An honor that ends in death.”
