Cassie grabbed a fistful of her skirts and twisted. “You’rethe angry sister, not me!”
“Yes, I know.” Eliza half-smiled as she gently worked the fabric out of Cassie’s hand. “Millie and I rebelled. Lenora became a changeling, disappearing into fantasy, while Nettie favors sweets and larks. But you—you chose Mother’s example.”
Had she?
“Mother,” Eliza continued, “made herself the martyr who suffers an absolute monster of a husband in silence. You simply believed your role, too, was to take every blow without complaint.”
For a moment, every muscle in her body seemed to scream. Then, the pain passed, and she became numb to everything but the slide of a cool tear down her hot cheek.
“Don’t think we all didn’t notice.”
“Well,” Cassie replied, “you might have said something before.”
“Things have been unsettled for us all for a long time. And, before Adrian, I hadn’t truly understood how different marriage can be when both husband and wife have a mutual regard, so I don’t think I understood how much we were all influenced.” Eliza squeezed her hand. “As the oldest, we’re the ones who best remember Mother before Father’s unreasonable demands and infrequent visits silenced her and broke her heart.”
Cassie gazed bleakly at Eliza. “Are you trying to tell me I’m desperately afraid of becoming our mother—devoted to a man who will never love her back?”
Eliza grimaced, then gave a reluctant nod.
Cassie forced herself to swallow. “But Harbury isn’t a monster.”
“He’s not?” Eliza asked.
“No.” Cassie turned over the last few weeks in her mind, dwelling longest on the times Harbury had asked questions to draw her out and listened deeply to her answers. “He’s nothing at all like our father.”
“After witnessing how uncaring he was of your feelings after the Almack’s debacle, how he thought only of his own, I own I believed Harbury as meanspirited as our father. But Adrian insisted I give him a chance. And I agreed, because he and Adrian have been close since they were children, and any man who has kept up a true friendship for that long must havesomeredeeming qualities.”
“A few,” Cassie admitted.
Her sister patted Cassie’s hand. “If anyone can bring them to thesurface, you can.”
“But I don’t want to bring out his good qualities!”
Eliza sat back, giving Cassie a considering look. “What do you want, then?”
“I want him to value his own good qualities.”
“Good. But what do you want…foryou?”
Last night, she’d simply wanted the comfort of her sister’s presence. But she couldn’t remain here forever. Eventually she’d have to face Harbury again. And, when she did, what did she hope would happen?
“I want him to want me,” she started carefully. But she already knew he did. “I want him toneedme.” No,needwasn’t quite right, either. She wanted to be more than just a source of comfort. Which left only… “I want him to love me.”
She closed her eyes, trying to rein in the sudden swell of inner longing.
“I want him to love me as completely, as desperately, as I love him.”
“Oh, Cass. I want that for you, too.” For a few, long, silent minutes, Eliza stroked Cassie’s hair. “You know,” she mused, “I was so angry I could have shot Harbury for what he did to you at Almack’s.”
Cassie’s partial giggle ended in a sniff. “Instead, you headed out to a gaming hell and got yourself mixed up with Adrian.”
“Did I ever tell you what the owner of that hell told me about my anger? She told me to use the rage I felt to make change.”
“Useyour anger?” Cassie repeated, mulling. Yes, she supposed one could. She would never have worked up the courage to come to Eliza’s if anger hadn’t bolstered her strength and certainty. But she didn’twantto feel this awful way. “Easier for you than me, I think. You’ve always been a little angry. And somehow displaying such unladylike emotion never madeyoufeel ashamed.”
“As opposed to you, perhaps. You’ve always been the perfectdaughter. Maybe it’s time to use the voice I know you have.”
“You mean youwantme to give in to these horrible impulses? To blurt out every horrible thing that comes into my mind?”
