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His eyes didn’t soften at the request like they did when I asked for him in other ways. “It’s not you, chérie. Don’t ask me again.” He gently pulled his arm away from my grasp.
“If you want me in a way you’ve never wanted anyone else, then why?” I’d become entitled now that he gave me things I asked for, but this was something I wanted more than the trivial requests I made.
His eyes turned annoyed, like he just wanted to go to bed and not have this conversation. But he didn’t bark at me. “I can’t let my guard down around anyone. This is the final time I’ll address it. Do you understand me?”
“No, I don’t understand. Let your guard down?” I was actually hurt by the statement. “Does that…do you think I’d ever hurt you?” He’d put his gun on the dresser, and I never took it. I could find a weapon in any room and fight back if I wanted to, but the thought never crossed my mind. Not only was that not me, not who I was, but I had no desire to ever lay a hand on him.
He held my gaze for a long time, his eyes shifting back and forth, his breathing growing deeper. “It’s not you, chérie. Not you.”
Fourteen
Hidden Desires
Fender
I sat behind my desk with the phone pressed to my ear. “Hand it off to Jeremy’s crew. They’ll take everything back to headquarters.” I hung up without saying goodbye, tossing the phone on the surface.
I had to return to the camp, so I rushed to finish up my affairs.
Gilbert entered with a couple folders. “Sir, Pascale just dropped these off at your request.” He set them on the edge of the desk. “I’ve made all your arrangements for your departure. The president has requested a dinner with you when you return. Shall I go ahead and schedule that?”
“Yes.”
“For three, it is.”
“Four.”
He gave a slight nod, understanding I referred to Melanie. “Of course.” He gave a bow before he turned away.
My eyes drilled into his back. “Gilbert.”
He halted without turning around, like he could detect what was on the horizon just from my tone. No one knew me better than he did because it was his job to know what I wanted without having to ask, to conduct his day based on my mood, to know when to disturb me and when to leave me the hell alone. He slowly turned around and came back to the desk, his arms by his sides rather than behind his back.
“Melanie will remain here. She’s not permitted to leave while I’m away.”
“And if she tries to run?”
He misunderstood me. “She won’t. I just don’t want her away from the estate when I’m not around.” My men would keep her safe from any threat that could occur, but I felt more comfortable being in Paris while she was shopping or doing whatever kept her entertained.
Gilbert gave a nod. “Understood, sir.”
My hand moved to the laptop, and I pushed it closed. “I’ll be gone for a while, so I expect you to keep her company while I’m away.”
He couldn’t hide his look of disappointment. The feeling was too raw for him, too difficult to swallow. He was the consummate professional, remaining jubilant even in my worst moods, but this was the one request that was too difficult. “I have many assignments that require my attention, sir.”
I hadn’t really believed what Melanie said—until now.
“Gilbert.” My anger remained bottled inside because of the affection I had for him. He made my life easy, and I knew the reason he was the best butler I’d ever had, provided an unparalleled level of care no one could replicate, was because of the way he felt. It never bothered me. I never cared. But now, it was directly affecting my life. “Melanie will be the countess of this estate, so you should treat her as such now. There will never be a time when I live here and she doesn’t. If this is unacceptable to you, then you will need to make other arrangements.”
He dropped his chin slightly and broke eye contact, visibly embarrassed that we were discussing his feelings without directly addressing them. He was put on the spot and forced to swallow a pill that would make him choke. His hands moved behind his back, and he cleared his throat. “I apologize, sir. I…I never meant for this to affect my professionalism.”
If I were ever to trust someone besides my brother, it would be Gilbert. He had served me faithfully for a long time, kept his eyes peeled and monitored my men when it was never his responsibility, snitched on any maid who didn’t meet his standards rather than have loyalty to the other people of his station. “I accept your apology. But if you have to apologize for it again, I won’t.” I gave him another chance when I wouldn’t give anyone else another. But his loyalty earned him a do-over. His attraction had been obvious for a long time, when I walked out of the shower with a towel around my waist and his stare lingered longer than it should, when he stared at me from across the room at dinner parties, when he smiled so brightly the first time he saw me in the morning. Just as if he were a woman, it didn’t bother me, didn’t make me think twice.
