That was the first time he had ever allowed himself to consider that.
That perhaps it wasn’t a dark, long road leading to yet more darkness, so intense and all-consuming he had to leave the light on in his room so he could breathe.
Or maybe there was sun on the horizon.
Chapter Nineteen
Cara was buzzing with nerves while she waited for Zane at the bakery. This was potentially disastrous. She didn’t want to be responsible for his relationship with Cody breaking down. She knew that relationship was so important to him. She knew that it was the most… Essential thing that he had. And what if he lost it all because they were making out while she was trying to ride a horse? But she had ridden a horse.
She felt a little bit euphoric about that, but this was a bad time to feel euphoric.
She felt… overstimulated. Maybe that was the best word for it. There were too many things happening at once, and she was hunkered down in the back of the bakery working on a pan of lemon sweet rolls, even though it wasn’t the right time of day to be working on them, but she just needed to keep her hands busy, and if she had an extra pan or two that would be fine, because then she could give them to Zane, who would probably need a treat after today.
She really hoped that this didn’t damage his relationship with Cody. If it did…
Would he even think it was worth it? Sex destroying the strongest friendship that he had?
This was a big benchmark thing for her, but this wasn’t his first sexual relationship.
That isn’t really fair. He’s made it clear that he hasn’t told anyone half the things he’s told you.
True. True.
She heard the door open, and snuck a peek at her phone right as she was about to walk out into the main dining area. Then she stopped. She had a text from Marlowe.
Do you have time for dinner tonight?
Anxiety gripped her gut, and she grabbed hold of her phone and went out into the dining room, where Zane was standing.
He looked tired, but not… devastated, though she had no idea what he looked like, devastated. She had no idea what his devastation threshold was after the kinds of trauma that he’d been through. She had a feeling it was a lot higher than hers.
“Everything’s fine,” he said.
He jerked his head toward the door, and she followed him out to the dining area. There were a few patrons inside, and none sitting out in the afternoon sun, so it was the best place to talk.
“It went okay?”
“Yes, and I especially requested that he let you have a conversation with Marlowe.”
“So that means I need to say yes to dinner unless I want him to spill everything?” “Yeah. Don’t worry. I have a feeling that she’ll be understanding. Cody was.”
“He’s not mad at you?”
Zane shook his head. “No. He understood. Which kind of made me feel like an asshole. Kind of made me feel like I really don’t understand the people in my life as well as I thought Idid. And maybe not even myself. But hey. I guess that’s part of… whatever all this is.”
“Being human?”
“Yeah. Being human. It’s kind of a rough one.”
“Oh. I solidly agree.”
But right now she didn’t feel… She didn’t feel like it was rough. She definitely felt anxious, and she wondered what kind of conversation she was going to have with Marlowe, but it didn’t feel dire.
“Is it okay if I don’t come up tonight?”
There was something strange in his expression, something guarded.
“Sure,” he said.
