I looked at the haul he carried in arms, making those biceps flex. His excitement as he explained things to me made my skin tingle. “I have a wall cushion so Landon doesn’t roll into the wall. And a rail so he won’t fall off the bed.”
“I can’t believe those things even exist.” And I probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for our current situation. I looked at the stuff he had. “What’s that?”
“A camper crib, for Victoria.” I opened the door and he nodded for me to walk in first. “Julie said if she hasn’t been sleeping on her own, we should let her sleep with an item of Dom’s clothing. At least for a little while.”
That made sense.
As I walked in, Jake was carrying Victoria while Dom was reading to Landon. That precious little boy hadn’t said more than a handful of words since he had arrived. And those words were only to Dom and only about what was on TV. But he was communicating with gestures to Dominic when he needed something. According to the little research I had managed to Google, it was a perfectly normal reaction to emotional trauma. He may not understand his mother and father were dead, but being separated from them was traumatic for the little boy. Also, according to Dr. Google, Dom’s stoicism was not healthy. He was likely bottling things up so he could hold it together for his siblings.
There was also the problem that the children hadn’t had any closure. From the time the police arrived at their home, they had wanted a piece of Dom. I also managed to find out that Dom’sgrandmother lived alone. From everything I could gather from my limited research and the little Dom had told us, she should not have been living on her own, and there was no way she would be able to look after three children. And she certainly wouldn’t be able to look after a baby.
I shook off my thoughts as my brother made his way over to me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Love you, sis.”
“Love you too, kid.” Jake hated when I called him that. He was just over a year younger than me and Mason. I relished that fact growing up. Mason was only a few minutes older than me, but he never failed to remind me.
“Whatever.” He paused as he looked to the bedroom where Logan and Dom had disappeared. “You’re fooling yourself if you think you and Logan can sleep in the same bed and nothing will happen.”
“Why is everyone fixated on that?” I let out a frustrated breath. “We used to do that all the time when we were younger.”
“You mean before his balls dropped and he noticed that you were a girl?”
I smirked at my brother. “Logan’s always known I was a girl.”
“Gross.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “That’s not how you repay your favorite brother.”
I let out an exhale as I smiled at my brother. “Thanks J. I’m sorry you got dragged into this but I’m grateful to you.”
“Let's get one thing straight.” He cupped my face in his hands. “My nosiness dragged me into this. And I would do anything for you. You know that.”
I did. As much as our family could argue, when the shit hit the fan, we stood together.
Having said all he needed to say, my brother gave me a hug and left.
Once I was alone with Victoria, I felt that pang again. I picked her up off the floor where they’d made a blanket bed for her andwent in search of the boys. Logan was assembling the camper crib while Dom attached the rail to the bed. He’d already placed the wall covering and arranged the pillows. Landon sat on the bed watching them.
Once it was all done, and we finished dinner, one by one the kids got clean. Dom used the shower in the master bedroom, while I used the tub in the main bathroom to bathe Victoria, and then Landon. In no time at all, the younger kids were asleep and Dom made himself comfortable on the couch.
That was only the third time that day I’d stood still since coming back from my parent’s house. Before the third pang could hit, I stood from the armchair.
“I’m going to shower and then head to bed.”
I raced from the room, focusing on what I needed to do instead of on what was swirling in my head. I blinked the tears away and swallowed hard. I knew it was coming, it always did. It wasn’t that I got emotional often but I knew how to deal when it did. I was a Ranger for heaven’s sake. Crying was not something I could do in front of the men. Not that I thought it was unhealthy. In fact, I was grateful I had the outlet. Just not in front of anyone else.
I stripped quickly, but the red polish on my toes was already blurring. Once I was in the shower with water flowing over my body, my shoulders relaxed.
Remembering the day I gave Dom up sprang to mind. How I’d broken Logan’s heart and in turn, mine too. How all I wanted was for Dom to be happy and healthy. And he was… for the most part. He’d had a mom and a dad who could provide for him. Who didn’t need to rely on grandparents so they could earn a decent living. Even once his dad passed away, his mother still made him a priority.
I wanted that for my kid. And yeah, in hindsight I knew Logan and I could have provided that for him, could’ve beenthe parents he needed. But at seventeen I hadn’t. If I had, Dom would have missed the love of two great people. But maybe he would not have witnessed what he did.
If I was brave fifteen years ago, he would not have seen what he did. There wouldn’t now be a threat to his life.
Tears flowed down my cheeks and mixed with the water from the shower. I leaned against the cold gray tiles. My legs were wobbly and I slid to the ground. So much of my life was not as expected. And there was still so much I still needed to tell Logan.
Openly sobbing and not caring about who heard me, I remembered the look of disappointment on my mother’s face. It was the same one I would’ve seen all those years ago. No. That was not true. My mother would’ve done what she needed to support me. The look on her face had everything to do with the deception. The fact I had kept all those secrets from her.
Vaguely I heard the bathroom door opening but I didn’t care. I had made such a mess of things and didn’t know how to fix any of it. Moments passed before the shower curtain opened.
“Come here, I’ve got you.” Logan was there. He was in only his briefs as he picked me up off the floor. “Let it all out, Bex. I’m here.”
