Leo gives me one more smile before he leaves my apartment.My apartment. My own space for the very first time in my entire life. It’s overwhelming. It’s frightening.
And yet, it’s the best feeling in the world because it’s complete and utter freedom.
I pick out my furniture myself. Finding a furniture store is easy. Taking public transportation is easy. It’s all a lot easier than I thought it would be. Of course, it helps to have Leo’s money. But soon, I’ll be making my own money. It won’t be anywhere close to what he makes but it will give me some independence.
My eyes land on a bright, yellow couch. It’s very noisy. It’s something my mother would hate. She liked bland colors. Nothing with personality.
But I want a personality.
I buy the couch without hesitating. The rest of the apartment comes together after that. Multi-colored rugs. Abstract art for the walls. Lampshades that have crystals on them.
After a week, the apartment is furnished and it’s wild to say the least. It looks like someone threw up all different colors everywhere. And I love it.
It’s fully me. The girl who once didn’t have a voice has become a woman who now has a say in her own life.
I let out a squeal of happiness and flop onto my bright, yellow couch and I stay there for hours, soaking in my own space.
Working at the bookstore is a learning curve since I’ve never had a job before but the woman who runs it, Margaret, is kind to me, teaching me what I need to know and within a week, I have the job down.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen Leo and I miss him more and more every day. But I also know that this space is for the best. We need this. It’s what I keep telling myself.
“Why do you look so down today?” Margaret asks me as I sit at the front counter. It’s a small bookstore – locally owned – giving it a quaint charm that feels cozy. It feels safe and I love that. With her greying hair and wrinkles around her eyes, Margaret has a soft, calm presence about her. Almost… motherly.
“Just thinking.”
“Of?” She places a stack of books onto the counter. “What’s going on? You’ve kept to yourself a lot this past week. I thought it was because you were nervous.”
“I was nervous.”
“But there seems to be something else, isn’t there?”
I sigh. “Yes. I’m missing my husband.”
“You’re married? You’re so young.”
“I’m twenty. Not too young.”
“May I ask what happened to him?”
“Nothing happened. We’re just giving each other space. We both need it but I miss him.”
Margaret offers me a kind smile. “Does he know you miss him?”
“No. We haven’t spoken in weeks. But we needed this. I needed some of my own independence.”
“I get that. My advice from an old woman who’s lived a long life. Tell him you miss him. Talk it out. Communication is always the key.”
“Thank you. I’m still learning how to do that.”
“Because you’re young,” she says, gently nudging me with her shoulder. “But you have plenty of time to learn in life. Trust me on that.” She walks away to attend to a customer while I consider her words.
Living on my own and making my own money was what I always wanted. It’s been a dream having my own life. Every day, I’ve got to choose what I want to eat in the morning. What I wear. What I do when I’m not at work. It’s been healing.
But I still miss Leo and I cannot deny that. Does he miss me?
The thought that he might not pains me more than anything ever has.
Leo
