Mellie lets out a defeated sigh. “Is this how it’s going to be, Ronin? Random-ass small talk, pretending like the last four years didn’t happen? Because I don’t know if I can do that today.” She finally sets her bags down at her feet and rubs at her temples, closing her eyes. “I’m too hungover to deal with this right now.”
I’m not sure if she meant for me to hear that last part.
I don’t answer right away. Mellie stares out toward the center of town where our large gazebo stands proudly, overseeing all of the holiday festivals and important town milestones over the years. She shoves her hands inside of the front pocket of the hoodie she wears under her winter coat. It’s an old one I’m familiar with, a black and gray sweatshirt withNostromoprinted across the front.Alienis one of her favorite movie franchises—or at least it used to be, when I knew her better than I knew myself. Better than anyone knew her.
The truth is, I’m not entirely sure how to act around Mellie right now. I knew she was going to be home for the holidays; Evan had let it slip one night when we were playing cards at my house. I’d been trying to prepare myself to see her, to be around her, but then she walked into my bar last night looking more beautiful than I had dared to remember, and I was rendered speechless. All I could do was sneak glances her way across the diner, and each time I did, her eyes seemed to meet mine. Like we couldn’t help but be drawn to each other even afterall these years.
Sitting beside her on this bench, the pull I feel toward this woman is nothing short of magnetic. It has always been like this with her. Even our stifled conversation this morning is proof of all the history we still carry between us.
I crumple the empty paper and foil from my lunch into a ball, stuffing it inside of the plastic bag that still hangs from my wrist. I take out a bottle of water, offering it to Mellie first. She shakes her head, so I twist the cap open and take a sip.
“I know,” I finally say softly, meeting her pained gaze. “Things are a bit weird between us right now, huh?” Mel’s eyes shine, her pale cheeks flushed a soft red from the cool air, and her lips are exactly as I remember them. Soft, plump, pink. Her teeth tug at her lip as she stares back at me, and my focus is pulled to the motion. I can’t help but lick my own in response.
Her hair is tied up in a bun but loose tendrils have fallen out, rose gold strands framing her face and gently stirring in the light breeze. My fingers itch to touch her, to brush her hair behind her ears.
I clear my dried-out throat. “I didn’t mean to make light of anything, I think you just make me a little nervous right now. I’m sorry, Mel.”
Mellie lets out a small laugh. “I makeyounervous?”
“At the moment, hell yes you do,” I reply, averting my gaze. “I think there’s a lot we both probably want to say to each other, and until we actually sit down and talk about what happened… Yeah, you make me really fucking nervous.” I turn back to her and the intent look she’s giving me makes my heart do funny things within my chest. “Can we talk soon, Mel?”
Her lips purse ever so slightly—something she’s always done when she’s thinking hard. She seems at war with something in her mind, but she finally nods her head. “I think that’s probably a good idea.”
“Okay.” My heart thuds behind my ribcage. This is a good start. “How about tonight? I can pick you up. We can grab a six-pack and sit in the gazebo, like we used to before—” My words stumble as I realize what I’m saying, my stomach clenchinguncomfortably. “I mean, if you want to. Or we can just meet at the diner.”
Real smooth, Ronin.
Mellie gives me a small smile. It makes the dimple in her right cheek stand out, a sight that makes me feel homesick. I want to touch that dimple, to run my lips across her cheek. Place a kiss there before finding her lips with my own. I want to do a lot of things I can’t.
“Sure, Ronin,” Mellie finally answers. “Let’s meet at the gazebo. The usual time. You bring the beer, though.”
My pulse is in my throat and I can’t respond for a moment.
“The usual time then, Mel.”
Chapter Eight
RONIN
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
Mellie and I have barely spoken to each other all week.
One vulnerable night in my grandparent’s basement led to more than a few confessions—mostly fear for the unknown future. Me going off to college while Mel stays in Blue Fields is throwing our relationship out of balance for the first time since we met five years ago.
With our emotions at their rawest, one thing had led to another, and we slept together. It was the first time for both of us, and something I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve wanted for far longer than Mel even knows.
I keep telling myself it wasn’t a mistake. It won’t ruin us. But something in my gut twists as another day goes by and Mel can barely look at me. I’ve tried a few times to broach the subject, but each time I do, she abruptly changes topics or finds an excuse to leave the conversation.
I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I feel like everything that comes out has been wrong—I’m handling this all wrong. Iwaited years to muster up the courage to kiss her, and now I’m leaving for college and we’re barely on speaking terms.
I groan, running my hands through my hair for the tenth time in so many minutes. Pacing the length of my room, I try to come up with a solution. I’ll tell her that we need to talk. We have to clear the air before I go, because there’s no way I’m leaving without fixing things with her. She has to listen to me.
Right?
“Okay, you can do this.” I blow out a huff of air, shaking my hands out at my sides before grabbing my keys from my desk and hurrying from my bedroom. Time to do this now, before I chicken out and we wind up not speaking for who knows how long, because I’ll be in fucking Oregon at school and she’ll be here without me. Whose idea was it to apply to colleges in Oregon? To apply to any colleges at all while Mellie is staying in Blue Fields? The rational side of my brain knows I can’t plan my education around someone else, but the emotional side of my brain that’s currently in control says “fuck that.”
It only takes me a couple of minutes to make the short drive to the Baker’s house, and Mellie’s yellow car is in the driveway. Good. She can’t keep avoiding me in a town this small. I jog up to the front door and knock lightly.
