“Now?” Ronin prompts, his voice patient.
“Now, the idea of coming home is kind of exciting. Things have changed so much since I left. Not just for me, but with everyone here. Evan has a serious girlfriend—who I adore, by the way. You’re practically running Double Shot. Bree is settling down.” A quiet pause. “It’s like…I blinked and all of a sudden, everyone grew up.”
My throat is suddenly feeling tight. Please Lord, do not let me start crying again.
“The worst part is that I’ve missed so much,” I continue despite myself. “I don’t want to blink again and have anotherfour years pass me by, and miss all the important bits with the ones I care about.”
Ronin’s gaze falls to the table, his hands clasped together.
My voice quiets. “I’ve wasted years of my life working toward something that few people actually achieve when they move to a place like LA, and for what? You all have great things going for you now, and I…I just feel like I’ve been stuck in place, not moving forward.”
I pick up my drink, feeling vulnerable. Ronin’s eyes are full of an emotion I can’t quite name when he looks back at me.
“Why did you leave the way you did, Mel?”
I shake my head. “Not right now, Ronin.”
“Why not? When is the timing going to be right for this conversation?” He gestures to the rest of the diner. “Everyone’s gone. It’s just us.”
My eyes dart around, realizing Ronin is right. We’re alone. Even William has ducked away into his office.
“I—” I don’t have a good answer for why we shouldn’t talk about this right now. “Okay then. Let’s talk.” I place my wine on the table, sitting up straight in my chair. “What do you want to know, Ronin?”
The pain and betrayal in his stare is finally shining through for me to see. “How could you leave without saying goodbye?” I hear the real question in his voice.How could you leaveme?
I close my eyes, gathering my thoughts and my courage.
“That night, when you said those things to me, about marrying me, being soulmates…I could see right then how much you felt for me, and it killed me, Ronin. I knew I couldn’t stay here in your life, day after day, hurting you every time you looked at me and saw the woman who refused you.”
“That’s not what I asked.” For the first time since I’ve been back, impatience colors his tone. “I know why you left, or why you think you did. But you did it without even telling me. I thought—” His voice cracks. “I thought I meant more than that to you. Just gone without a second thought. No goodbye,no explanation.”
“And what about all the times I reached out?” My own frustration flares. “I called you, I texted you, and you shut me out. I thought you hated me, Ronin.”
“I was so hurt, Mellie.” Ronin’s hand combs through his perfectly styled hair, the motion leaving it slightly mussed. “Imagine if it had been the other way around, and I’d moved a thousand miles away and didn’t even fucking tell you.” He shakes his head. “I was so pissed at you. But I could never hate you. You know I could never stay mad at you.”
His words fill the space between us. They settle over me, filling me with the shame that I’ve pushed down for years.
“I’m so sorry, Ronin,” I reply, my throat thick with emotion. “I know I messed up. I thought a clean break would be the best for both of us.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I thought I was protecting your feelings. I was so afraid of losing you that I pushed you away, and I lost you anyway.”
Ronin’s throat works as he swallows hard.
“You know I never liked it here in Blue Fields,” I continue. “In fact, I hated this town when we first moved. It wasn’t this place, or the stupid blue flowers that everyone loved that made this my home. It wasyou. You were my tether to everything. I loved you, Ronin, and after what happened—when we slept together—I wasn’t willing to take that risk again. I couldn’t.” The unshed tears I know are coming burn my eyes, and a lump begins to form in my throat. “Because you were my whole world. You were my best friend, and that mistake—that stupid fucking mistake we made when we were so young and naive—it almost ruined us for good. And I couldn’t lose you. Not again.” My voice breaks as the tears finally spill over.
Taking a deep breath, I look down at my hands. “I’m so sorry, Ronin, for leaving you like that. It’s not what you deserved, and I wish I could do it over. I told myself I was protecting you, but I was just being selfish.”
I finally lift my head and find Ronin’s devastated face. My heart feels like it’s breaking in half as a single tear falls down his cheek.
Shit, I knew this was a bad idea.
I stand up, abruptly pushing my chair back, a loud, grating sound ringing out as it scuffs the flooring. “I should go. This was a mistake, doing this right now. Tonight. We’ve had too much wine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you?—”
Ronin stands up and grabs my hands, cutting off my ranting. “Mel, no. It’s okay.” His thumbs run circles across the backs of my hands as he holds them in between us and my body shudders. “I asked you to tell me. I can handle it.” He lets go with one hand and reaches up to wipe a tear from my cheek. “Maybe this wasn’t the time or place, I don’t know. Fuck. All I know is that right now, I’m just glad that you’re here.”
Our watery eyes meet. “Really?” I whisper.
“Really,” he whispers back. His hand is still stroking my cheek. “I just want my best friend back. I miss her.”
I laugh, and another tear escapes. “I miss my best friend, too.”
