She started to walk, but I stopped her. “Let’s go home? That’s it? You’re not even going to tell me how you feel about it? I thought you’d be happy at least.”
She frowned. “Happy? I’ve already been confused as to why I have feelings for my best friend, and then we started sleeping together and connecting more. I care a lot about you, Kaia, but this is a lot to handle, okay? You’ve had these strong feelings for years, and I just can’t do this right now.”
“I’m such an idiot. I told Drea. I should’ve known you’d never feel the same. I’m sorry I said anything.”
“You told Drea? She knows?”
“Daisy, everyone knows. Every single person on this planet knows how I feel about you. The mistletoe kiss—Drea intentionally mentioned it because she knew I’d never get the courage to kiss you first. When I first walked up to you, Drea was the one who told me to. She knew I liked you and I was too scared to. She told me to make up an excuse to go talk to you, so I used work as an excuse. You know better than anyone that I can’t hide my emotions. Drea always knew.”
“You’ve done a pretty good job of hiding your emotions from me for four years, Kaia! I like you, I really like you, and I’m grateful you told me. I’m grateful you love me, but?—”
“You don’t love me back.”
She shook her head. “Kaia.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve always known you wouldn’t. I guess I thought since we were dating, that would change, but it’s okay. I think I’m gonna call Drea and hang out with them tonight. I think some space would be good for us.
“Kaia, what are you saying? Are we breaking up?”
“I don’t know, Daisy. I’m in love with you, and you don’t feel the same, which is fine, but I just need some time alone to adjust to that.”
“I didn’t say that. I just… can’t do this right now. Please, doodle.”
Tears started pouring out. “And you don’t have to. I can see it written on your face, Daisy. I’m giving you an out. I won’t be in the house tonight, so you can have your space back.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want.”
No. it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted her to cry happy tears, not sad ones. I wanted her to say she loved me back. “It is.”
I turned and walked away, not letting her see as more tears slid down my cheeks and onto my shirt.
When I got home, I packed a small bag and threw it in my car. Daisy still hadn’t returned and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. I didn’t know what I’d say to her if I saw her. If I’d cry more. I didn’t want to think about it.
Somehow, I made it to Drea’s and rang the doorbell. It was late so she was either sleeping or… not sleeping.
She opened the door with a worried expression. She looked at the bag in my hand and up to my red and puffy eyes. “Oh honey, come in. What happened?”
“I’m sorry to just drop in in the middle of the night like this. I should’ve called,” I said through sobbing tears.
“Nonsense. It’s only eleven, sweetie, and you’re welcome here anytime, you know that. Blair’s sleeping. She has a big day tomorrow. Why don’t you come into the kitchen, and I’ll make you some tea? You can calm down and tell me what happened.”
I nodded and wiped away my tears. “Thanks, Dre.”
Drea shut the door behind her, and I headed toward the kitchen and sat at the table, waiting for her to force me to talk about what happened. I didn’t want to, but she’d get it out of me, anyway.
I couldn’t believe how terribly the night had ended. Maybe I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that, but I just couldn’t keep it in any longer. I needed her to know, and a part of me had thought she’d feel the same way. No matter how I told her, her feelings, or not feelings, about me wouldn’t change. I was so stupid.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Drea put a cup of tea in front of me and sat down, a sad expression on her face.
I steadied myself and tried to let the words come out. “Well, Daisy and I were walking back from getting a hot chocolate. She was talking about training with Duke, and she looked so happy. She was glowing from the moonlight, and I couldn’t help it. I told her I loved her.”
“Oh shit!” She winced and lowered her voice. “Oh shit! I take it she didn’t take it so well?”
“I don’t know, honestly. I mean, she didn’t say it back, which Ididn’t expect her to. But she didn’t even smile. It seemed like she wasn’t happy about the prospect, which doesn’t make sense. After everything these past few months, I thought she’d develop some sort of feelings, but maybe I was just a convenience to her? I don’t know. Then I made it worse by telling her exactly how long I’ve been in love with her. She asked, and you know I can’t lie to her. I’m such an idiot, Dre.”
I buried my face in my hands and let the tears spill out again. I messed up and probably ruined our friendship. No—I definitely ruined it. You can’t tell someone you’re in love with them, have them not feel the same, then go back to being besties.
“You’re not an idiot. And trust me, sweetie, you are not a convenience to her. I see the way she watches you in the store and at class. There’s a sparkle in her eyes. Maybe she just needs time? I mean, you threw a lot at her at once, and she probably just needs to process it. Give her some space. I’m sure it’ll all work out.”
