I’m not sad that we didn’t make it. I can’t look at him and objectively say that I suddenly miss him, even with the cruel revelations. But I hate him a lot less, and I’m deeply saddened knowing that this has been his life so far.
He doesn’t say he’s sorry. I don’t think he even knows how to. But I can see it there in his eyes; the regret, the sorrow. I just hope that maybe with his father gone, he can build the life he’s always wanted for himself, and maybe he’ll learn to undo some of the damage that’s been done over the years.
I think that’s enough for me. I don’t even think I really need an apology. The things that happened back then have changed so drastically from what they once were. Grown, shifted, and twisted so much that it isn't even reminiscent of what I've hated him for for so long.
The humiliation of him outing me the way he did will always be there in some form. He took something that belonged to me in the most selfish, awful way. But I rose above that years ago. I’ve moved on and grown from that so much that it hasn’t held me down for nearly as long as maybe it should have. The therapy has shown me that it was really the lies, the manipulation, and the evil of his father that had been the real trauma.
But he's not his father, and he knows the parts he did wrong. I can see the regret in his eyes. However, it's so twisted up in his sense of doing the wrong things for the right reasons that a single glimmer of understanding isn't enough to undo an entire lifetime of poorly learned behaviors. That's something he needs to do on his own. It's not even a part of me anymore.
So just knowing his evil father is behind bars, and that Kingston has a chance to be his true self without the shackles and expectations holding him back, is enough for me. The true horror is gone, and allthe power Kingston ever had over me has been vanquished for longer than I realized. His face has been nothing more than a placeholder for the real trauma I’d hidden underneath.
And with that thought, I realize that after all these years, this is the moment where Kingston, or even the memories of him, no longer have any power over me. There's nothing left. There’s a finality in it that I think is equally as much for him as it is for me.
“Why did you come after me?” Marcus asks, interrupting our silent communication because he probably realizes there isn’t anything left for us to say to each other.
But as he asks the question, I also realize that, even with all the events unfolding, including his statement that he isn’t interested in me, the curiosity remains about why he would be antagonistic towards Marcus at all.
Kingston turns to Marcus with an expression as if we’re missing the obvious.
“For exactly why I said I did. Football was Father’s dream, not mine. But yet the moment you got Holt’s spot, I knew I was going to pay a price for it. Father may have paid for that position with money, but I paid for it in blood. It should have been mine,” he says solidly.
“But you didn’t even want it,” I point out.
It’s something I had suspected back in high school, given the amount of pressure his dad put on him, but I assumed that when he showed up here as a wide receiver, maybe he liked it more than he seemed to back then. Yet his words just now say otherwise, yet again.
Kingston rolls his eyes. “Never once in my life has anything I ever wanted or not wanted ever been taken into account. I did what I needed to avoid the abuse, but he always found reasons anyway,” he says, motioning towards the fresh cigar burns on his arm.
Marcus meets his gaze steadily. “Well, now you have a chance for it to matter, but I think it only counts if you keep off the path your father laid.”
He frowns, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “That’s it?”
Marcus shrugs. “Pretty much. I think you have enough on your plate right now without pursuing a football career you don’t evenwant. I think you need some serious fucking therapy to work through the full-on toxicity of your father. But I think you’re smart enough to carve the path that you want now that you’re free and do better than what you’ve been shown so far.”
“And if he gets out somehow?”
“There’s no chance. Even if he somehow manages to get out, I’ll make damn sure he ends up in the grave. He’ll never be able to touch another child again, noryou, for that matter,” Cade says solidly, stepping forward now that everything here has mostly been sorted.
Kingston’s eyes meet Cade’s. “He has contacts that can…”
Cade scoffs derisively at that. “Do you not know who I am? No one legitimate is going to go against the Donovans or the Bauers. And no one illegitimate is going to throw their lot in with your father over a Murphy. I may not rule the crime syndicate, but my family name is more feared than your father’s.
“He has no power left. All that power you grew up seeing him have is now yours, so long as you remember how easily it can be taken away. The only question that remains is, are you riding back to town the same way you rode here, or are you gonna sit in the car like a normal person?” Cade asks, and we all know the question is really whether Kingston will take the offer or follow in his father’s footsteps.
Something passes between the two as Kingston weighs Cade’s words.
“I don’t know how normal a person I’ll ever be, but I’d rather not take another trip in the trunk, and being untied would be nice since it’s obvious I’m not a threat anymore,” he huffs out.
Everyone’s eyes widen at Kingston’s words, not realizing Cade had transported him here in the trunk of his car. However, Cade just snorts dismissively at our judgy expressions while he frees Kingston from his bindings.
“Good, we can talk about some of your ideas and how to get them implemented. I have some great contacts I can get you in touch with–,” he starts talking while we head out to where our cars are parked.
While Cade talks Kingston’s ear off, the four of us exchange someheavy glances. As much as we are glad that Kingston will most likely be just a blip on the radar for the rest of our lives, the weight of everything we’ve learned tonight will stay with us forever.
When we get in the car, I hear Qi from the backseat. “Did you guys see how Cade reacted when Kingston started talking about his father’s victims?”
I chew on that, because I had noticed the same thing. Like he might have recognized the description, but then cast the idea away before acknowledging it.
“You don’t think he has anything to do with it, do you?” Tristan asks.
