So, with that in mind, I embrace my parents and Tristan’s parents, who are really like second parents to me. Darryl, Tristan, and I bump knuckles and thump shoulders, trying not to cry, as we say goodbye. And then I spend several minutes very impatiently waiting for Tristanto retract his tongue from Qi’s mouth long enough for us to buckle up and hit the road.
As Tristan’s estate fades in the background, the gravity of the chapter ending settles solidly in my chest. We’ve turned the page to a new beginning, a new phase, a new chapter. Life as we’ve known it is over, and a whole new adventure awaits us.
GETTING SETTLED
Qiang’s POV
My heart was in my feet when Qi and Tristan left for university. I knew Qi wanted me to go with them. I knew that I wanted to go with them, too. I’ve been craving this bonding time with Qi since I first started university, and now that I’ve got the chance, I wasted the first six weeks of it.
I have no better explanation than that I got scared. That panic that seized my brain that last night Marcus and I got close, the memories that I constantly strive to keep buried, tried so hard to come to the surface. It was physically painful to shut it back down, and the only way to do that was to shove whatever this is with Marcus down with it.
And the fact that it hurt, the fact that I’m so pulled in by him when I know better, the fact that I’ve had a whole lot of extra time to really let it sink in how much of a ‘don’t’ this is, has let me compact it down so much more firmly.
It’s not the last time I saw him. We’ve been thrown together for a few things here and there before Marcus, Tristan, and Qi left early for football and cheerleading training. Whenever the whole group got together, though, Marcus stuck to Darryl and Tristan, and I stuck toQi. The barrier I put in place held firm, and I could almost breathe with relief at that.
I’ve spun myself in circles about this whole thing with Marcus. I’ve had to remind myself a ridiculous amount of times that it’s not that deep. I’ve rationalized that maybe I got caught up because it’s the first time I’ve wanted someone and completely denied myself. Or maybe even concluding that I’ve never really wanted anyone that hard.
Since starting university, it’s always been easy. Go to a party, have a good time, flirt, and fuck without any repercussions. I’ve never had a hard time finding someone to have a good time with, and I’ve never been in a position to really deny myself.
But Marcus was off-limits from the get-go, which made my brain glitch out when I met him and found him ridiculously attractive. To have that attraction be mutual and then matched with a personality that was equally flirty and thoughtful sent my brain into overdrive.
I’ve had time now to slow down. To think it through. Marcus never did anything to deserve the coldness I gave him the night he graduated. He'd been a good earpiece and had made me feel included in a friend group that had grown exponentially since I’d last been home. He's never been anything but open and welcoming, and I repaid that with a coldness he didn’t deserve.
But I also know the ugly feeling that crept up that night isn’t gone. It’s just sleeping. I know what it is. I tried therapy several years ago because I knew that was the smart thing to do after everything that happened my senior year of high school. But every therapist wanted me to confront my trauma, and it was too overwhelming. I couldn’t take it, and I stopped seeing therapist after therapist until I learned just to shove it in a corner and move on from it.
After it tried to rise back to the surface during the last really close moment I had with Marcus, I know that if I continue to give in to him, I’ll keep lashing out. And realizing that, going back and seeing not only the harm it causes me but also the harm it causes him, and having that harm trickle to Qi and Tristan as well, is what finally allowed me to break through the confusion in my head.
So now that I’ve had time to reflect and realize that the largestprice I’ve paid was time with Qi, which hasalwaysbeen my priority, I’m no longer in a perpetual loop of want and denial. I let my libido sever time with my brother like I’m some sort of sex-deprived dumbass. Which I’m not, and with the way the barrier I put up between Marcus and me has held firm throughout the few times we’ve seen each other since that night, it gives me hope that things won’t be crazy awkward or more of this insane push and pull when I move in.
Which I finally did about a week ago, and I think things are going well. Marcus is still a shameless flirt, but it’s been mostly harmless and easier to brush off. And we’ve been more lighthearted than the crazy tension from the summer. I’m not saying he doesn’t still tie my stomach up in knots, but it’s also not nearly as overwhelming as it was when we first met. It also helps that we don't really see that much of each other. Honestly, I don't see much of any of them. Between class schedules and Tristan’s, Marcus’s, and Qi's training and practices, they are rarely home.
Of course, I see Qi the most. He and I got lucky that our schedules aligned so we can spend lunch together most days at least. And Tristan and Qi usually find time in the evening to do something with all of us. Marcus rarely joins us, though. His free time is generally divided between studying in the library or at frat parties on campus.
I try very hard not to get jealous of that. To not imagine what he's doing at those parties. He never says, and I never ask. Not my business, not my place; I just need the green voice in my head to shut the hell up, because I have no right to know, feel offended, or care about what he does in his personal life. Especially since it’s a choice thatImade.
“How are you adjusting?” Trevor, Tristan’s dad, pulls me out of my thoughts.
He and Marcus’s dad are currently unloading several bags of groceries into the fridge. Tristan’s and Marcus’s parents stopped by to make sure everyone was adjusting well and that the house was in order. I'm assuming that's just their excuse for dropping in to check on their kids.
“Good. It's definitely better than the dorms,” I answer whilewatching the two move around each other like a choreographed dance.
Their entire dynamic has been…curious?I haven’t been around the parentals in easy-going settings like this much. They’ve either been scarce, or it’s been big events like the graduation.
But I’ve noticed both sets of parents acting as if they’re more than just friends. Like, there’s no difference in how they treat their friends compared to how they treat their spouses. If I didn’t know who was married to whom, it’d be damned impossible to figure it out with how they are. It's like they know each other on a cosmic level. One moves, and the others gravitate around it. Like they instinctively know what the other is about to do before they do it. It's the same way Tristan and Qi move around each other.
Fingertips glide down one's arm. Long glances, love-filled eyes, secrets exchanged through flirty, knowing glances. Maybe they are simply the Diannas to each other’s Annes–like kindred spirits.
Right now, Dawn and Samayah are out doing another shopping run–only this time it’s for them instead of us. Elijah is reaching for something in one of the higher cabinets, and I watch as Trevor’s hand glides from the back of Elijah’s thigh up to his ass, giving him a sensual squeeze before resting on his hip. Enough of Elijah’s face is visible for the smug smirk that crosses his face to be unmistakable.
I know that smirk. Marcus may look like his mom, but he got the flirty, smug smirk from his dad. Trevor leans in and whispers something in Elijah’s ear before pulling him slightly back so they’re closer.
“Dad, pda check,” Tristan grumbles while walking into the kitchen to grab a glass and fill it before handing it to Qi, who is close behind him.
“Says the guy whose basic survival depends on having his tongue thrust down his boyfriend’s throat,” Trevor teases while taking a step out of Elijah’s space. Qi’s face pinkens, and he hides a bit in Tristan’s chest.
“Touché,” Tristan laughs while reaching up and running his fingers through Qi’s hair.
I’ve seen the way Tristan looks at his mom. There’s no way his dadbrazenly flirting and putting his hands on someone other than his mom is something Tristan would be okay with, unless I’m missing a huge piece here.
