“I’ll make you gag on something,” I throw out almost naturally, not even realizing how crass that was until Qiang’s entire body freezes for a moment.
After a second of silence, Qiang’s eyes land on mine with a heat in them that has my gut somersaulting. All it took was a look for them to flip the game back around. They look me up and down before curling their lips into a flirty smile.
“I’m game if you keep your lips to yourself.”
For a split second, flowers fucking bloom in my chest. The invitation is clear, but underneath it is the full realization that a hook-up isallthey’re offering, and it’s simply not enough. I wanteverything, and I think I’m already ridiculously overemotional enough on this crush; I can’t even imagine how insufferable I’d become if I got a taste.
“I’d love to play that game, but I think that’s one rule I can’t abide by,” I curl my words into a tease, not wanting them to know how deep all of that just hit. Even though it ended up in the wrong place, I sure as hell didn’t expect my little tease to go as far as it did.
Qiang shrugs with a knowing smile on their face. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me. Until then, goodnight, Marcus.”
“Goodnight, pretty,” I hum lightly.
Qiang tsks at me. “I thought I bought that word off you?”
“You asked how much it would cost, but I haven’t received payment, so it’s still mine,” I point out.
Qiang raises an eyebrow. “And what’s the price?”
I look them straight in the eyes, letting them see, for a moment, the full effect they have on me, so they can see how seriously I take the terms of payment. “For you to break your rules for me.”
Qiang takes me in for a moment. I have no idea what’s going on in their mind, but I watch as their Adam’s apple slowly bobs with a heavy swallow.
“Guess I’ll just have to live with pretty then,” they say a bit more quietly than we’ve been so far.
“The way your cheeks brighten tells me it’s not as much of a hardship as you’re pretending,” I add, giving them a chance to tell me if I’m actually making them uncomfortable, because their body language definitely says they like it, but I don’t want to assume.
Qiang’s only response is to shyly bite down on their lower lip before retreating to the stairs to head up to bed. I watch them go. I don’t know if I’m making any real progress here. I don’t even know if there’s any universe in which I have an actual shot, but I can’t stop the hope from blossoming in my chest.
A MIDNIGHT BLUNDER
Qiang POV
Oh my god, why did I offer Marcus a hook-up? What the actual fuck was I thinking? Thank fuck he turned it down. At least that’s the logical response. I’m completely ignoring the weight of disappointment that’s sitting in my chest. Because I should not have thrown that out there, and he absolutely should have said no. And I one-hundred percent shouldnotbe disappointed about that!
We want two different things. He wants a shot at something deeper, and I cannot–absolutelycannot–do that. It’s been four years of an absolute ‘cannot.’
I didn’t start the hook-up life with the intention of only having that. I figured with time, my heart would be ready to move on, but I never met anyone I wanted to keep enough to bother. And now, it’s a second skin, so deeply a part of me that every atom in my head is screaming to stop this. But the kicker is, for the first time in over four years, it feels like my heart is in complete disagreement with my head, and my poor dick is just pissed off at the whole thing because I’ve denied it completely for months now.
And it’s not like it’s because I feel like I’m cheating or wronging Marcus in some weird ass unspoken agreement of fidelity that doesn’texist whatsoever. No, because that would at least make a modicum of sense to me.
Instead, it’s because I don’twantanyone but him now. When scrolling through hook-up apps, I just keep passing by every profile because none of them are him or even closely resemble him enough to trick my head into even considering it. Clubs, nothing. Parties, nothing.
If it weren’t for the fact that my body instantly starts reacting every time he’s in the vicinity, I would think I was broken or something. It’s not fucking normal. I mean, I know from my brother that it actually is completely normal for some people, but it’s absolutely not normal formeat all. This is a first.
Even with Kingston, I could still find other people attractive and interesting and react to them. I obviously never acted on that while we were together because that’s a fucked up thing to do to a person, and I’ve never been the kind of person to do that, nor will I ever be.
But I’m not evenwithMarcus, and it’s like every other prospect has just faded into the background of ‘never mind, I’m good’.
Even more frustrating is that I thought I had this shit wrapped up. I had a million logical reasons, and my head was fully screwed on, just the way I needed it to be when I moved into this house.
I’d like to pretend that Marcus slowly wore me down into the spiraling mess that I am now; that it was a slow process that chipped away at me one flirty remark at a time. It was not. It was one fucking smile, the moment he opened the door to help me carry my stuff in on that first day, and I was right back where I was from the beginning with him. And then, like a puff of smoke, he was barely ever around.
Tonight was the first time I’d spent any time with him at all, except for when his parents came to visit. But even though he was around more during that weekend, it was in a large group, with everyone competing for space with everyone, so it wasn’t really time spent withhim. It was honestly the same vibe that we’d danced around during most of the summer after I’d completely shut him down.
But tonight opened up a whole other can of worms. Like I know I’ve been ignoring the low thrum of jealousy every time my brainplagues me with thoughts of what he’s been getting up to at those parties he’s always at. I keep shoving the thoughts away because one, I have no business dwelling on those things, and two, I have absolutely no right to be jealous. And the fact that I know I’ve been fighting jealousy has been messing me up because it’s a firm reminder that I’m feeling things I have no business feeling for someone I have no business feeling them for.
But after tonight and watching Imani eye fuck him, and knowing she’s probably his type, and he might have even been more into her and the flirtation if I hadn’t been sitting right there, had that jealousy flooding so hard it was impossible to mistake it for anything else.
