The smile slips from my face, and I let out a heavy sigh. Darryl knew I had a crush on Qiang, but he didn’t know how deep it went. Now, after forty-five minutes of info-dumping about everything that’s happened between Qiang and me since Darryl and I last talkedabout this, way back when we put those shelves up, he’s fully clued in.
There’s a beat or two of silence after I stop talking before Darryl’s deep voice rumbles back over the line.“Wow, that’s some heavy shit.”
“Right?” I snort at the simplicity of his response.
“I think I see where you’re going wrong, though. And as I say that, I want to remind you that you're both in the wrong, but I don’t think either of you ispurposefullyin the wrong.
“Qiang’s problem is obvious, and the help they need is even more obvious, but you need to worry about yourself first before you can have any hope of moving forward,”he says plainly, and the confidence with which he says it bothers me.
The fact that he can have all the pieces solved while I’m spinning my head for anything that makes sense annoys me. Not that I’m annoyed with him, because this is why I called, but annoyed with myself because I should have had this figured out just as easily, and I haven’t, which is, yet again, why I called him.
“How is it obvious to you from several states away, while it’s completely out of my grasp and I’m only two doors away?” I lament with frustration.
“Well, partially, I think what you just said has a lot to do with it. You are up close and personal and can’t see the forest for the trees. I’m removed from it, so the larger picture is easier to grasp. The other part is because you are focused on howyoucan help without realizing that sometimes the best way to help is to let someone else do the helping.”
I scrunch my eyebrows because if Qiang hasn’t figured out how to help themself yet, then who else is gonna step in and magically help them if not me?
“What do you mean?”
Darryl lets out a sigh.“Okay, real talk, because I know your temper and you’re not gonna like some of the things I’ve gotta say. But if you really want to move forward, then you need to hear them, feel me?”he says in that voice that tells me he’s preparing himself for an argument.
Luckily for him, no matter what he says, I’ll probably just take it because I’m not up for any more arguments tonight, or this morning,really. It’s too close to wake-up time to even ponder the possibility of sleep at this point, not that I’d have been able to anyway, under the circumstances.
“Yeah, keep my attitude in check and hear you out. Don’t worry, bro. I don’t think I can handle another argument anyway.”
Darryl lets out a loud, unhappy breath.“Doesn’t really make me feel better, like I think you meant it to.”
“Sorry,” I grumble as a bit of exhaustion seeps in. It’s gonna be a long day, but I need to hear what Darryl has to say. I knew I did when I picked up the phone to call him. “Lay it on me.”
“You’ve got a hero complex,”he says plainly, and I’m shocked at how fast I need to bite my tongue. I should have known he’d drop the heaviest, most argumentative line first. I donothave a hero complex, by the way.
“You always have,”he continues, as if he can hear the argument in my head.“You insert yourself to ‘save the day’ when your friends or family are struggling in any way; you can’t just sit tight and let them figure it out on their own; you have to jump in right away whether you’re needed or not.
“And I get it to an extent. You went through some heavy shit between trading one lifestyle for a completely opposite one. It sounds like a dream come true, but watching the way people treated you and how hard you struggled to gather your bearings, I know better now.
“And then there was the grief when you lost your uncle. You think because you’ve lived through these things that you have some sort of cornerstone on the totality of depression and trauma, when you’ve really only occupied a single square of it.
“I think all of these factors play into your need to control and protect, whether it’s your place to do so or not. And in this case, you haven’t gone through what Qiang has been through, and you do not have the tools or education to give Qiang the help they need.
“You also haven’t established the trust or pedestal in their life that you need to be on for them to really hear you. Maybe someday you’ll be that person, but you aren’t there yet, and Qiang’s not open enough to let you in right now. Sometimes, Marcus, the best way to move forward is to stand still and let someone else do the legwork,”he says.
I take a deep breath as I hear what he’s saying because it’s not the first time he’s said any of this, really. Idotend to lend a hand whenever I can, not because I feel the need to save the day, but because I don’t like seeing people I care about struggle when it’s in my capability to help. And while I’ve been in a place where I’vewantedto help, I’ve never really been in a situation where I’ve felt I absolutelyhadto help, and knowing I probably have no place in this battle at all is unsettling, to say the very least.
“Qiang won’t accept they have a problem enough to do the legwork,” I huff out.
“When the time comes, Qiang will have their fair share of legwork to do, but I was talking about the work someone else is gonna have to do to get Qiang to accept they need help,”Darryl says, now talking me in circles because first he’s saying it’s not for me to do, and now he’s saying it’s not for Qiang to do either, and I swear if he’s trying to tell me I should let some other person into the mix, I’m gonna throw some hands.
“I’ve tried that, Darryl. They won’t listen,” I point out, still hoping he’s not implying what I think he is.
“Because it doesn’t need to come from you, Marcus.”
And nope, that’s exactly what he’s implying.
“Then who does it need to come from?” I ask him, already seething at the notion that I should step aside so that someone else can come and do what I should be doing.
“You already know the answer,”he says plainly, and I furrow my brow, because it’s not in a tone that suggests he’s telling me to walk away. He’s telling me, in a patient tone, that the answer has always been there.
I rack my brain for a moment, and then it dawns on me. The only person close enough to Qiang to make an impact that doesn’t quantify to me giving Qiang up. There’s just one problem with Darryl’s theory.
