It’s complicated.
The dots appeared, then disappeared, then appeared again.
Eleanor
If you need to talk later, call me. Or come by the office. But if you need space, take it. You’re allowed that, you know.
He swallowed hard because, yeah, he knew. He just rarely let himself take it. Taking space meant giving his mind too much room to wander, too much room for memories and thinking, and for all the things he worked so hard to keep compartmentalized. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and leaned his head against the rock again, letting his eyes drift shut for a moment. He stayed there until the canyon shadows lengthened, the heatbegan to ease into something bearable, and his restlessness had dulled to something he could maybe, possibly, manage.
By the time he parked at the hotel, the sun was beginning to set, painting the courtyard in soft gold and orange. He killed the engine, grabbed his bag, and started toward his room, slowing when he spotted a familiar figure sitting at one of the tables near the walkway. CJ was slouched in a chair, sun-bronzed legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, head tipped back, sunglasses covering his eyes, throat bare and ridiculously tempting.
Evan swallowed hard and looked away quickly. Not that it helped anything. He could see the collision course they were on, and maybe it would be better to rip the Band-aid off. They were staying in rooms next door to each other. They were teammates again. They were expected to be best friends, reunited. Or at least be able to fake it convincingly.
So when CJ lifted his head and looked at him, Evan didn’t flinch. He didn’t speed-walk to his room and pretend he hadn’t seen him. Maybe he was tired. Maybe he was stupid. Maybe he was both. Either way, he walked toward him.
CJ sat up straighter. “Hey.” His voice was soft and a little tentative, like he wasn’t sure what version of Evan he’d get.
“Hey.” Evan stayed standing, not ready to sit that close to CJ again. He looked around, relieved to see the courtyard empty except for them.
CJ cleared his throat. “Look, we should talk?—”
Evan’s jaw ticked. “About what exactly?”
CJ stared at him for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair, and Evan tried not to remember that it was a classic CJ tell fornervous as hell. Something twitched in his chest anyway. CJ took a breath. “I owe you an apology.”
Evan went very still.
CJ kept going, words tumbling out of his mouth like he was afraid Evan would cut him off. “The breakup…in college. I wasn’t fair to you. I handled it shitty, and I should have apologized a long time ago.”
Evan knew exactly where CJ was headed, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to go there. “CJ,” he warned, his voice low.
CJ pushed on anyway. “You didn’t deserve the way I pulled back. Or how I acted after Matt saw us. I freaked out. I shut down. And I made you feel like you were the mistake.”
Evan’s stomach twisted. There were a dozen ways he could respond: polite dismissal, shrug it off, a sarcastic quip. But none of them seemed to fit, so he said nothing. CJ kept talking like Evan’s silence was a green light instead of a warning sign.
“I should’ve talked to you sooner. I should’ve explained. I shouldn’t have let you think that?—”
“Don’t do that,” Evan snapped.
It wasn’t loud, but it was sharp enough to make CJ’s mouth finally stop moving.
CJ blinked. “Do what?”
“Don’t rewrite it into something clean. It wasn’t clean.” Evan folded his arms across his chest. “And it sure as hell wasn’t just you ‘handling it shitty.’”
CJ’s expression flickered with something that might have been remorse. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“Yes, you did.”
CJ’s eyes widened. “What? No— Evan, I?—”
“You didn’t mean to do itthat much. But you knew what you were doing. You knew what pulling away would do.” Evan met his gaze head-on, refusing to soften his glare or his words. “You avoided me fordays. You made me think that maybe we could fix it if I just stayed quiet long enough. You left me waiting for you to look at me and decide I wasn’t worth the risk.”
CJ’s face crumpled. “I was scared.”
“So was I,” Evan said, his voice flat. “Difference is, I didn’t punish you for it.”
CJ flinched like Evan had actually hit him. Good. Maybe honesty could bruise. He kept going because the dam had cracked and he couldn’t hold back the flood any longer.
