“Could’ve fooled me,” CJ shot back, then immediately felt bad. “Sorry. That’s not?—”
“It’s fine,” Evan cut in.
It wasn’t.
“Look, I just… I didn’t want to do this over text.”
Evan flinched and his shoulders went tight, eyes dropping for half a second before he forced them back up. “Just say what you need to say and leave then.”
CJ stilled. He recognized that look, had seen it before, years ago, in a dorm room that had been too small for the size of their emotions. It was the look of quiet, contained hurt that showed up before the impact. The one that saidgo ahead, I’m ready for it this time.CJ’s stomach dropped.
“Evan—”
“Don’t,” Evan said quickly. He pushed to his feet and moved a few steps away before turning back. “It’s fine. I get it.”
“No, you don’t.” CJ’s voice was sharper now.
“Sure I do.” Evan laughed, and it sounded almost hysterical. “This is how it was always going to go. Eventually, we were going to make a mistake. This was manageable when it was just us. But it’s not just us anymore.”
“Fuck,” CJ whispered.
“So yeah,” Evan continued. His voice was tight but controlled, and CJ could tell he was trying to get through this before he lost his nerve. “I get it. You need to step back?—”
“Stop,” CJ said.
Evan shook his head. “Or if you want to pretend this was a mistake, or whatever will make it easier?—”
“Evan, stop.” CJ stepped forward, closing the distance between them in two quick strides. He grabbed Evan’s wrist before he could step back, and he held on so Evan wouldn’t leave. “You’re trying to decide what I’m going to do before I actually do it.”
“You’ve got a pretty shitty track record.”
“Yeah. I do.” CJ tightened his grip on Evan’s wrist. “But you’re wrong this time.”
Evan looked at him through narrowed eyes. “I am.”
“Yeah.” CJ released Evan’s wrist and slid his hand down to thread his fingers through Evan’s. “I didn’t come here to break up.”
Evan stared at their joined hands, then lifted his head to look at CJ.
CJ held his gaze. “I came over here because everything just blew up, and the man I love is three doors away from me acting like he’s already gone.”
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and a full second later, his brain caught up to them. Evan stared at him and, for a moment, neither of them moved. CJ felt heat flood his face, and he laughed weakly. “Well, apparently that’s how we’re doing that.”
Evan stayed silent, a raised eyebrow his only reaction.
CJ unlaced their fingers and took a couple of steps back, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I had a slightly different plan for that particular conversation.”
“CJ—”
“Nope.” He pointed a finger at Evan. “Don’t. Let me finish embarrassing myself first.” Despite everything, a tiny smile tugged at the corner of Evan’s mouth. “Awesome. Now you’re amused.”
“A little.”
“Fantastic.” He rubbed his face and then peeked at Evan through his fingers. “Just pretend I didn’t say it.”
“Did you mean it?”
“I meant it,” CJ said firmly. “I just wasn’t planning to say it in the middle of a crisis.”
