Still, he had come to my room twice since then.
The first time, we actually just studied, sitting on the floor surrounded by textbooks without him touching me once. The second time, he pinned me against the door the exact second Matt left for the night, unzipped his jeans, and fucked my mouth.
It had been my first time sucking a dick, and though I’d expected him to be rough, the surprising gentleness of his hand guiding the back of my neck threw me off enough that I just surrendered to it.
The whiplash should have made me furious. Instead, I just stared at my door each night, staring at the grain of the wood, wondering which version of Aleksey would show up next. The one who needed help with his science notes, or the one who needed me to get him off.
Hiding this from Elliot and the rest of the guys was a massive risk, the kind of stupid move that could blow up my entire life. It was also the only thing I wanted, and I’d stopped trying to fight it. The problem was that since shoving me out of his room days ago, Aleksey hadn’t been willing to really sit down and talk about what we were doing. I’d tried to bring it up during that first study session, but he shut me down fast. All he wanted from me, it seemed, was a quick release.
Still, for now, as confusing as it was, I was happy to just let it happen. I knew if I pushed him to really process things, he’d throw his walls right back up and walk away for good.
Even with Aleksey nowhere near my room, my heart hammered just thinking about his warm grip and dark eyes.
I traced the chipped edge of my desk. My back still ached from where Aleksey had shoved me against the door two nights ago, and the memory alone sent a hot flush to my gut. The crazypart was that I didn’t want him to be gentle. When he was rough with me, I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to pretend or hold up that perfect Johnston image. Aleksey would just take over, and for once, my brain went quiet.
But sitting around stressing over it was driving me insane.
“I can’t just sit here waiting for him to drop by,” I muttered aloud to myself, my voice breaking the dead silence of the attic.
I remembered a text Elliot had sent earlier about a party at the legacy frat. I’d been dodging my brother for the last few days, a nagging sense of guilt creeping up on me, so I figured I should make an appearance to keep him off my back.
But honestly? I just needed to get the hell out of this room. Anything was better than being stuck inside my own head.
So I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.
The cold night air bit at my face during the short walk, and heavy bass vibrated through the concrete sidewalk before I even reached the front steps. I pushed open the front door, and a deafening wall of noise and heat hit me instantly.
It took me ten minutes just to weave my way through the crowded living room. A mass of legacy hockey players jammed the space, shouting over the music around coffee tables littered with red plastic cups.
I eventually made it to the kitchen, grabbed a beer I didn’t want, and anchored myself against the edge of the island. I looked like I belonged among these guys, yet standing there, I felt entirely removed from it. I’d been zoning out for maybe twenty minutes, watching my own life from the sidelines, when a hand clapped my shoulder.
“Look who survived the attic!” Elliot shouted over the music, pulling me into a quick half-hug.
“Hey,” I said, putting on a smile.
“I was starting to think you’d transferred,” Elliot said, stepping back and looking me over. “You’ve been completely MIA the last few days. So, finally decided to put the textbooks down and grace us with your presence? First frat party of the year, K. It’s about damn time.”
“Yeah, well. Figured I needed a break from studying.”
“Good. I know you’ve been grinding hard for your pre-med classes, but you’ve gotta live a little.” His eyes dropped to my full cup, then back up to my face. “Though you look bored out of your mind. Go mingle and stop holding up the counter.”
“I will,” I said, taking a step toward the hallway. “I’m just going to go get some air first. It’s boiling in here.”
“Don’t wander off too far,” he warned. “Trenton said some of the scholarship guys might be snooping around outside trying to crash, so come tell me if you see them.”
“I will.”
He grinned and disappeared back into the loud crowd, clearly convinced I was just being my normal self. But my brother had no idea that my quiet mood stemmed from an obsession with a specific scholarship guy he actively despised.
I pushed through the sturdy mudroom door, the hinges groaning against the loud thumping bass from the living room. The draft leaking under the exterior exit bit right through my thin shirt. I took one step onto the gritty linoleum and walked face-first into a solid chest.
I stumbled back, my shoes squeaking on the floor.
Aleksey.
The dim yellow bulb above the service door caught the jagged white scar on his jaw. My heart kicked up a notch. He was standing completely still, wearing a dark winter coat, looking as though he had just slipped in from the outside. He wastrespassing, and he definitely wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near this frat house.
“You can’t be in here,” I muttered, my voice barely audible over the rattling walls. “If Elliot catches you...”
