There's a long stretch of silence and heavy breathing on the other end, but he doesn’t say a word. I’ve known him long enough to know that he’s in the middle of one of his anxiety attacks and needed to hear my voice.
I get up from the couch and point to the kitchen as Bellamy nods her head and turns back to the TV. I walk to the counter and pull out a stool before I sit and focus my attention on Jake.
“Hey, I’m right here. Just breathe in and out, nice and slow.”
His breathing is heavy, but as we sit there for a moment, he starts to follow my breathing pattern. It goes from sharp inhales to slow and deep breaths as they start to even out.
“So, my mom decided to take me for driving lessons this weekend. I have my permit test Wednesday after school, and I think I’m ready for it. Like, I’m nervous but Mom only had three panic attacks, which is kind of a record for her, honestly.”
My mom is a notoriously bad driver. Not in the road rage kind of way, but more the abundantly cautious kind of way. She normally doesn’t drive, leaving it to my dad, but since he’s with my brothers this weekend for their game, she decided to let me practice a little more before my test.
He chuckles, and I know that it’s helping him get out of his head. I smile at this, knowing that when he’s at his lowest or he feels like he’s losing control, I’m who he calls first. It’s always been like that for us, even before we started dating.
“What was the count last time, like five?” Jake asks, voice stilla bit shaky.
“It was actually seven, but that was when Brayden was driving and he almost ran the truck into a tree after having to swerve for the bicyclist who jumped the crosswalk.”
His laugh is breathy, but vibrant. It’s one of my favorite sounds in the world.
“Let’s face it, Brayden is going to give your parents a heart attack one of these days.”
“Oh, don’t I know it. He may be the wild one in this family, but honestly, it’s the silent ones that you gotta look out for.”
Brayden is wild and chaotic and we’re all used to it at this point. Brandon, however, is the opposite, more quiet and reserved. Lately, something’s changed with him. He seems more withdrawn and not himself.
I found him in his room a couple weeks ago crying his heart out.
I laid with him and held him until he fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning, I asked him what happened, and he told me he’d had a rough day at practice and was just feeling frustrated with himself. I knew he was lying by the way he refused to make eye contact and kept his answers short. There was more to the story, but I could tell if I pushed too hard he’d pull away, so I let it be. I just hope that he’s okay and knows he can talk to me when he’s ready.
“Yeah, that’s true. I feel like Brandon could really surprise us one day, and we wouldn’t see it coming,” he teases.
We both laugh and sink into a comfortable silence. I know he needs to get out of his head when he panics, so I like to come up with random things to talk about that he can focus on.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I never want you to see that side of me,” he confesses in a hushed tone.
I know it’s hard for him to open up like this, it’s something we have in common.
“I know, but it doesn't mean I’ll ever stop being there for you.”
“I had a really shitty practice today, and Coach ripped my ass a new one. I don’t know what happened, but one minute I was fine and the next, I couldn’t focus and I was messing up every play.”
“You wanna know what I think?”
“Always.”
I smile to myself as a blush creeps up the apples of my cheeks.
A year and a half ago, I would’ve thought this could only be a figment of my imagination. I’ve been crushing on Jake since I was in middle school, but he’s my brothers’ best friend. And I’m just me. He’s one of the school’s top hockey stars and most eligible bachelors. I’m ‘the chubby wannabe loser’ who everyone makes fun of.
I never thought a guy like him would see a girl like me and want to be with her, but one day after school, he asked me out, and I said yes.
He took me out for ice cream, and we walked down the beach as we talked and laughed for hours. It was like nothing was changing, but everything did. He kissed my cheek and told me that he liked me, and I took the opportunity to be brave and kiss him for real. It was my first kiss, and it was awkward and messy, but when he put his hands on my waist and pulled me into his body, I knew that I was a goner for him.
Now, the only person who knows about us is Bellamy. Iasked him to keep us a secret from everyone around us, wanting to hold on to something that’s just for me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, even the guys that asked me out before this.
“I think you’re one of the best players on our team. I also think that you, like my brothers, put so much pressure on yourself to be the best that when you mess up, you let it get to you more than you should. You have the talent, drive, and passion for this game. Your career is going to be incredible. Just remember that you’re human and you’re going to face some losses and struggles. Don’t let those moments define you.”
