“Is everything alright, sweetie?” Mom asks, a bit of concern etched into her voice.
My voice comes out steady and even, confidence flowing through my veins. “It is. I want to talk to you all about something.”
So, I start from the beginning.
Not just the beginning of the season, but the beginningof everything. I relive those horrible days of high school bullies, bouts of insecurities wrapped up in self doubt and hurt. How I felt about myself growing up and how it shaped the way I navigated everything.
I tell them about Jake, kind, sweet, beautiful Jake who saw me and loved me because of me. How I forced him to hide in the shadows because I was afraid to lose the one thing that meant the most to me. I even tell them the messy truth of our breakup, how I misunderstood something that was my own creation, and pushed away the one person who never betrayed me, never made me feel small or worthless.
As I tell them the story, they each remain silent, but the shock of everything is written on their faces. My parents never knew anything about the bullying, because I didn’t want to hurt them with the truth. My brothers’ only knew a small fraction of the hate that I got, but I explain how I was trying to protect them.
Throughout this entire journey, Lainey sits right next to me, holding my hand and being my anchor. She periodically squeezes my hand to give me strength and silently stands by me as I spill my heart out about everything.
Brayden sits back against the couch, and his hands run through his messy brown locks as he blows out a frustrated breath. Brandon sits in a similar fashion, but his hands are fidgeting in his lap, a look of sorrow and remorse in his eyes.
“I hate that you had to go through all of that, Kailyn. That people were so nasty to you that you had to hide from the world, hide from us and keep everything a secret. You shouldn’t have to hide your love from anyone,” Brandon pauses. His eyes are shining with unshed tears. The pain that shines across his features and the understanding that lays just under the surface make me wonder if he needs to hear these words too.
“You should be able to live the life that you want, not the one others forced you into. I wish we could’ve protected you more. As much as I hate that it’s true, I think that it was always meant to play out this way. You needed to grow and find yourself away from our last name and the people here, and learn to love yourself the way that we all love you unconditionally.”
I hadn’t noticed the tears in my eyes until I felt them cascade down my cheeks. “Thanks, B.”
Brayden clears his throat, his hands resting on his legs. “I’m not as eloquent with words as B, but I agree wholeheartedly. I understand why you felt the need to do what you did, and it sucks that we couldn’t be there to support you both, because we absolutely would have.”
There’s a clear conviction in his voice that has me smiling at him.
“May I ask what changed after you left, sweetie?” Mom asks, tears also in her eyes but a soft smile on her face.
“After I left, I felt isolated and shredded to pieces. With some convincing…” I subtly squeeze Lainey's hand, a sign of how grateful I am for her. “I ended up in therapy, which taught me so much about myself and forced me to confront everything I thought I knew and find the real me. Years of healing and growing on my own helped me so much, but when I was faced with the choice to come back, knowing that Jake was here, I still took that leap and hoped that it would give me the final answers I needed.”
“And I’m assuming it did, based on the way you two were tonight?” My dad hints, a small chuckle in his voice that really solidifies that opening up to them was the best choice not only for us but for me.
Being this raw and emotional, and telling them everything is as much for me as it is for Jake. I neededthis final push to really accept all the parts of myself that they always have.
“You mean when she gasped at dinner and tried to play it off really badly?” Brayden teases.
I throw one of the pillows at him in mock anger.
“Jerk,” I mumble.
“Hey, now.” Mom scolds. “There’s no throwing of my pillows in this house.”
“Mom!” I shout, a laugh bubbled under the fake hurt.
“I’m just saying.” She shrugs.
“So, you caught onto that, huh?” I ask, relieved that they’re not upset with me.
“We might’ve been oblivious to things in high school, but most of the guys on the team have been able to clock Jake’s mood shift. He’s happier, lighter, more carefree. And when you walk into a room, it’s game over.” Brayden says.
“Bray and I figured maybe it was something brand new, or maybe you both connected before you moved back somehow, but it makes sense now that we know your history together. We figured we’d let you come to us when you both were ready. And honestly, it’s really beautiful what you two have.” Brandon adds with a wistful tone to his voice.
My heart lights up, and it reminds me that I have the best family in the world. Even when I felt alone, they were always there for me through everything. I failed to notice their unwavering love back then, but not anymore.
“Anyway,” I pause, catching my breath. “Yes, It did. Jake and I talked about everything, like I said, and right now things are good between us. But I want things to be different this time. He deserves to know that I’m all in, and after tonight's dinner, I realized that until I let go of the past and finally tell you all everything, we wouldn’t truly be able to move on and build something new.”
Hums and nods blanket the living room, but nothing is said for a long moment. Right now is the first time I’ve been even a little nervous, my heart racing just slightly, but I continue to breathe and not focus on the what ifs.
“Kailyn.” My mom stands up, walking over to my other side and sitting down, pulling me into a warm embrace. “You are such an integral part of this family, and we love you so much. I wish we had known about the bullying so we could have protected you better, but you’re right that dwelling on the past will get us nowhere. At the end of the day, all you father and I want is for you kids to find happiness and joy in this world. To hopefully one day find a love like we did, and live your lives the way that you want to. If that means that Jake comes around the house more, then I see no issues with that. He’s already family, anyway.” She hugs me even tighter as I bury my face into her neck.
