“Honestly, it slipped my mind. We weren’t one-hundred percent sure what she would do. I figured I wouldn’t say anything until it was official, and by that time, we were so in the swing of things with preseason, I just forgot. Why?” Brayden asks, a hint of confusion lining his eyes at my question.
It takes everything in me to remain calm on the outside, when anger and hurt twist inside my stomach. “Just curious. I haven’t seen her in a long time, so it was a shock to see her after all these years.”
I can tell Brayden wants to ask more by the furrow in his eyebrows and the way his mouth opens and closes, but at the last second, he changes the subject. “Are you ready for tonight?”
I grumble at him, smacking his arm as we finish collecting our bags and walk out of the room with Brandon and the girls in tow.
Normally, I don’t really go out with the guys, choosing to stay home by myself, but I want this year to be different.
I want to be better not only for the team but for myself as well. For so long, I’ve pushed people away, afraid to make connections and be vulnerable. Not knowing my mom dueto her abandoning us when I was younger, and losing my dad really impacted me in more ways than I thought.
In high school, it was so easy to make friends and be myself on account of being part of the hockey team. People gravitated towards me and I didn’t have to do much work. As I got older and stepped into the real world, I realized that I kept parts of myself hidden, especially after the shit storm that was the rumor mill of high school. I learned that sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do or say, it’s what people believe. When my dad died, I didn’t want anyone to see me broken or leave when they realized how much of a mess I was.
This year, though, I want that to change. I can play well on the ice, that’s not a question, but I know that I could be a better teammate and friend. My goal this year is to find myself again. The person who Jake Spencer is without being shrouded in his anxiety and worries. I want my team to get to know the real me, and that starts by opening up and getting to know them as well.
Chapter 3
Kailyn
Iknew coming back home and accepting this job with the Blaze was a huge gamble, but it was the best decision for my career.
I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am. I’ve spent countless nights running on caffeine and adrenaline, holed up in my tiny one-bedroom apartment, cramming for exams and working alongside the best doctors and professionals at various clinics and teams.
When Thomas Preston, the General Manager of the team called me, along with Dr. Sanders, the head of the athletic trainers department, to offer me the job, I was hesitant at first, scared of being confronted by my past. After speaking with both of them, and seeing how much more I could learn from one of the best in our department, as well as having a more stable job, it was a no brainer. Coming back home was also a plus, because I definitely missed my family.
Going to UCLA was the right decision for me, but it pulled me so far away from everyone and everything Iloved. I lost a lot of time staying away. And while it was the best school to go to, that wasn’t the only reason I chose it.
These last ten years have led me to accomplishing my dreams. It’s been a long road to get here, and while I’m grateful to finally have this opportunity, I still feel like my life is missing something—or someone.
Seeing Jake Spencer in person again after all this time is like a punch to the gut. It brought back all of the memories of us, the laughs we shared, the stolen moments when no one was looking, the lingering stares, and the way his hands felt as they roamed my body. He was the only man to ever light my soul on fire with just one look and one touch.
He wasn’t there when it happened; the conversation that changed my life—ourlives—forever. I heard exactly what he said, and it broke me completely.
I thought that I could trust him with my heart, my insecurities all laid bare for him, and to find out he broke that trust shattered any hope that I had.
Even after everything, breaking up with him was still the hardest thing I have ever done. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I regret how things ended.
These last ten years have been really good to him, not that it’s much of a surprise to me. He sat right in front of me, all six-foot-two of him, with a broad muscular build, chiseled jaw, and a body that has filled out over the years.
Even off to the side of the room, I could still see the deep brown of his eyes as they stood out just like the tick of his jaw as he stared at the floor, and the way his hair fell on his forehead, the strands stuck together by sweat.
Memories come racing back, like when he used to wrap me up in his arms, holding me close to his chest as his warmth seeped into my back. Every time he held me, I feltsafe in his arms, like he saw my curves and still wanted every piece of me.
My heart knew that it was safe with him.
In high school, I was bullied for so many things; my weight, my shyness, my hair, my clothes, you name it. High schoolers can be some of the cruelest people out there. I never thought I’d find someone to see and love the real me, until him.
And then one day, reality came crashing down. I had to protect what was left of my broken heart.
I never told my brothers about us, scared to ruin everything if things ended badly between us. Scared Jake would lose his friends and I’d lose myself.
Keeping us a secret allowed me to feel safe in a way that telling people would destroy. Others would have their own opinions, either telling me to my face or spreading it all over social media. I wanted to safely live in Jake's arms for as long as time allowed me.
High school can be a scary place sometimes, especially when you're a girl. It’s also made even worse when you're related to and friends with some of the hottest guys on the hockey team and every girl wanted to get with them.
While the spotlight was on them for their good looks and their status, I got the opposite effect, being called ugly and fat, only fueling my body insecurities. When I was twelve, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and it completely changed my life.
It meant countless periods where I was in such excruciating pain that it felt like my insides were tearing me apart, horrible bouts of pain in my stomach and back that had me falling to my knees, and begging my parents to stay home from school when I couldn’t move from my bed. I endured heavy cycles, lasting anywhere from two to fifteendays, only for it to start all over again a week later. Endless struggles to find the right balance of diet and exercise, and still never losing weight despite everything. I’ll never forget the countless doctors who wrote me off and said that if I lost weight, all my symptoms would go away.
