“No, you aren't,” I say automatically.
He replies before I have a chance to continue. “How else am I gonna describe it? We agreed to be casual friends who happen to hook up, but me liking you is what let me sign up to this in the first place!”
“Okay, well, if you're an idiot, so am I. I like you too, if it wasn't completely obvious already.”
Those pretty gray eyes roll, and he lets out a huff of air. “You’re the one who can hook up like it’s nothing! You’re the one who can talk dirty and hold me down and screw my brains out without it making you die a little more every time.”
I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Okay, well, you have the wrong idea about me, and don’t tell me my dirty talking is actually convincing.” We fall into tense silence, so I fill it. “As much as you joke about me being a fuckboy, why do you think I chose to kind of be one?”
“Because you’re a normal guy who can have sex without making everything complicated?”
Frustration floods my body, and I ball my fists up under the table, digging my fingernails into my skin. “Jesus, Nick. That’s not true at all. You aren’t the only one who ignored his own history.”
I get a frustrated stare as a reply.
“The reason,” I continue, “is because I fall fuckinghard, even though nothing before compares to how bad I have it for you.”
Nick groans, scraping his fingers through his recently trimmed hair. “Stop telling me this. It’s already hard enough for me without knowing you like me back.”
I shrug, shaking my head. “Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be hard?”
Usually, two people liking each other makes things easier than when it’s unreciprocated.
Looking back at me with a tired stare, he parts his lips to say, “But, like, fuck. I don’t know what to do. Everything I said wouldn’t happen did, and now I’m freaking the fuck out.”
It isn’t like I have any good ideas, either, so I stand up to go to him, maybe to comfort him, or even just calm him down, or?—
Nick sticks a hand up. “I can’t think about this now,” he says sharply. “It feels like I can’t breathe in here.”
And then he stands up himself, heading for the door.
Is he seriously going to walk out on me like this?
“I need to clear my head.” He grabs one of his sweaters from the coat rack. “Look, I know this is a dick move, but I’m sorry. I can’t stay put.”
“Where are you even going to go?” I ask. “You don't know your way around, and?—”
“Look, I'm not a fucking baby. I need to be alone for a bit. I'mgoing to take a walk, and I'll call you if I get horribly lost and cold and scared like a stray cat. I’ll come back, but fuck, I need to leave.”
Then the door clicks before I can reply, but it’s not Nick who opens it.
It’s Dad.
“Hi. Sorry, I was just heading out.” Nick runs out the door like there's a gas leak, leaving me and my confused dad behind.
“Is he okay?” Dad asks, pointing at the door that Nick at least had the decency to not slam shut.
“He’s…homesick? I think.” Jesus, that’s weak, but screw it. “He says he needs to think about things alone, or…something.”
“Right.” Dad looks back at the door again, before turning back to me. “Why are you so worried?”
“Because he could get lost.” Shit. I told Nick his map app doesn't work here, and his stubborn ass didn't download one that does. He probably doesn't even remember what it's called in case hedoesneed it. “I need to find him.”
Dad puts up a hand. “Nick’s an adult, and he'll be fine. Don’t run after him, even if…”
Even ifwhat?I stay silent, hoping he continues.
“Even if you two areexceptionallygood friends.”
