I didn’t have the strength for him, but I also couldn’t leave the snake unattended in the Hall, sneaking around where he shouldn’t.
“Come with me,” I muttered, circling past him.
He fell into step beside me, close as a shadow. “I hear my cousin is searching for a Lady,” Varian said lightly. “Would you know anything about that?”
“There is little to tell,” I replied dryly.
“Yet I thought he had already found you.”
Unbidden, the thoughts of what had transpired in the study returned to my mind. I didn’t answer.
Varian leaned closer, as if studying my expression for cracks. I stepped away from him, my patience fraying. Speaking felt too taxing, too revealing. I would hand him over to the nearest staff member and dash to my room.
“I suppose I was wrong then,” Varian concluded, chuckling softly. “Go figure. He chooses a human but dismisses a diviner. Perhaps my cousin wants what he cannot have.”
Only then did I realise my hand had curled into a tight fist. I forced it to loosen. Varian would pry until he found a weakness to exploit, and I wouldn’t hand him one.
“But perhaps someone else would value you more than he does,” Varian murmured.
I halted mid-stride, shocked into absolute stillness. Where I expected his usual mockery, I found only stark seriousness, his gaze fixed with unnerving intent upon my face. I couldn’t decipher the angle he was working.
He lifted his hand and brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek. I jerked away, my eyes narrowing at the audacity, at how intently he studied me, as if cataloguing every small detail he’d dismissed before.
Perhaps I’d slipped through a portal into some bizarre reality. Perhaps this was a nightmare.
“You don’t need to cry for him,” Varian murmured, his voice soft. “He isn’t the only one who can take care of you.”
I swallowed, feeling too raw, feeling like I didn’t have enough layers to ignore him. “Varian,” I breathed, “step back.”
He obeyed, though not nearly enough. “You are cleverer than I expected, and there is remarkable potential in you. My cousinis right about that.” He wetted his lips with a calculating sweep. “Imagine what you might become with the proper training.”
There was nothing about him, no visible relics or brush of power, that told me he was deceiving me. Perhaps being a hybrid had softened his contempt for me.
My mouth curled. “You must be joking.”
“I am not,” he said low. “I would be lying if I said I never thought about that kiss. Or that I hadn’t imagined you dancing with me or defending me the way you defend him. But if you prefer to grieve over a man who won’t be yours, that is your choice. A pity, truly.”
He still coveted everything Reagan possessed. It could have been a compulsion. A sickness. That would make sense.
“An interesting offer,” I said. “The truth is, Varian, you disgust me. I would rather sew my own mouth shut than let you kiss me again.”
As quickly as his nostrils flared, he lunged. Muscle memory snapped through me. I saw the angle of his hand reaching for my neck, evaded fast enough, and drove my knee into his groin.
Varian folded with a broken gasp, and I shoved him back until he collapsed against the wall.
Shaking. I was shaking.
It was one of the simplest moves I’d ever learned in training. Adrenaline and rage surged through me as if I had struck with far more force.
“Try to touch me again,” I seethed, “and I will kill you.”
My hands trembled as I strode away, looking for the first battle mage I could find. I told him to escort Varian to the chamber and not take his eyes off him until the second-in-command arrived.
I considered finding Gwin and asking which train would take me to Malory’s court. Anything to flee this spiralling mess, but a rising tide of emotion welled up.
The first small room I found, a dim space lined with couches, was empty, and I shut the door, leaning against it. Water gathered in my eyes.
Wrong. Everything was wrong.
