Her laugh was as low and soft as a whisper. “I wouldn’t let you.”
“Bold of you to assume I’d follow any order,” I mused, only half-teasing.
Octavia took a deep breath and pulled back enough so that I could see her face. “Please, Rae, don’t act like…we have a chance.”
“I’m not acting.”
She frowned. “You really think something could work between us? With me at Elmwood and you everywhere?”
I shrugged, even though her words made my image melt. “Maybe?”
“Rae.” Octavia swallowed and pulled away. She untangled herself from the bedsheets and reached for her clothes. I stayed quiet, my chest caving in as a gulf formed between us with every movement she made.
After Octavia finished dressing, she stood at theend of the bed, wringing her hands. “I could never give up Elmwood. I want this to be my home. Especially after what’s happened. Seeing you and your team—your family — makes this place feel alive. I want this. ”
“And I’d never ask you to give it up.”
“No,” she agreed with a nod. “But being with you is asking me to give up some part of me. That part will always mourn not having you close.”
I closed my eyes for a second, imagining myself on the road again, calling her late at night in some dodgy motel, or in the middle of some national park. Her voice would be miles away. I’d look for time off to fly to her on weekends between jobs. The novelty of it all would sustain us for some time. But when the novelty waned and stressors mounted, one of us would have the grievous task of breaking up.
“It’s a crush,” Octavia promised without meeting my gaze. “Paired with a stressful time.”
I slipped out of bed.
“It’s a hookup…” Her voice faded as she watched me come closer.
My mouth was on hers, determined and needy. I parted her lips, swiping my tongue against hers before moving down to her neck, collarbone, breasts, and waist. I unzipped her pants and helped her step out of them before pulling her panties to the side.
She covered her mouth, moaning into her palm as soon as my tongue met her clit. Her back pressed against the wall. I urged one leg over my shoulder and looked up to watch her free-fall.
Octavia’s thumb massaged circles onto my cheeks. She maintained eye contact as I teased her until she was whimpering, “Please, please.”
Her orgasm was savory. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the soft and warm heaven. Octavia quivered against me as she came. I spread her lips apart, not wanting to waste a drop. When she couldn’t take it anymore, I offered her a reprieve. I tugged off her shirt, taking a nipple between my lips. She arched into me, her pussy pressed against my thigh, all swollen and soaked from my attempt at providing her an obvious example of how much this wasn’t just some crush.
“It’s more than whatever you just called it,” I whispered, almost pleading once she finally caught her breath. “Don’t pretend otherwise; it’s infuriating.”
“What would be infuriating would be to say goodbye if we get any closer.” Her chest rose and fell quickly, pressing her hard nipples against my own aroused points.
I shook my head. “It’s too late for that. We can only go forward.”
“What would that even look like?”
“As much as I like to pretend,” I teased, half-heartedly. “I don’t know all the answers.”
“Rae,” she complained in a whisper.
I brushed my nose against hers and nodded. “I know, I’m caught up in this, too. We’ll find our way out together.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
Finishingmy chores around the house and ranch was akin to dragging myself through tar. Another week went by as Wilson, Esther, and Rae’s team buzzed around each other, researching and mending fences. While they maintained impeccable focus, there was a charge in the air that pricked my skin.
I couldn’t see any obvious way forward for Rae and me. The idea of one of us giving up our dream for the other was impossible to entertain, even for a second. The resentment would burn through our relationship faster than any other issue.
On the other hand, my body couldn’t take much more heartache. So why not enjoy something as freeing as what welcomed me every time I was in Rae’s presence?
She let me stew on it without interference. Her smile dimmed the longer we spent avoiding alone time together.
