“On my life.” Her voice was barely a whisper now. “On my death. Promise me.”
Graham. He was everything to me and I craved his warmth, his steadiness, the way he made me feel like I was standing on solid ground. I thought of never touching him again, never waking up beside him, never hearing him say my name in that way that made my whole body light up.
An image flashed in my mind before I could stop it. It was of Graham, floating face-down in the loch, his eyes empty, his strong hands still. I would carry that loss for the rest of my life.
“I promise,” I whispered. Because what else could I do?
Gran’s eyes closed, a tear sliding down her temple into her silver hair.
“That’s a good lass,” she breathed. “My brave, brave lass.”
Her grip loosened on my hand as sleep claimed her. I sat in the dim hospital room, listening to the beep of machines and the rattle of her breathing, and felt my heart turn to stone.
Three weeks later, she died.
And so had any future I’d hoped for with Graham.
And years later, I was still keeping my promise—still holding the line between us, still watching him from a distance, still pretending that the ache in my heart wasn’t slowly killing me.
Some promises, it turned out, were more like prisons.
“Agnes, wait!”
I turned to see Liora, our astrologer and chartweaver, hurrying after me down the hallway. I knew what she wanted to talk about and I took a deep breath, needing to build my walls up around the mild panic that fluttered at my throat, desperate to overflow in tears. There was no use hashing through any of this. It was old news, at least to me it was, and there was nothing that Liora or anyone else could do about it.
I was destined to live a life alone.
It was quite simple, really, and I didn’t know why thesewomen needed to keep bashing me over the head with their relentless optimism that love always finds a way. Because in my case, it wasn’t possible.
They were all in love. Every last one of them. Well, except for Lottie that is, as she was grieving the loss of her husband, but she’d already experienced a great love in her life and was grateful for it.
I was learning that people newly in love also wanted everyone else around them to find the same joy. I couldn’t, no,wouldn’t, begrudge them that fact. But, at times, it wore on me.
I wasn’t stupid.
I knew everyone thought Graham and I should date again. Years ago, we’d been like two magnets snapping together, and ending things with him had been like losing an integral piece of my core.
It had taken ages for me to take a deep breath again, to be able to see him in public without feeling that desperate sensation of loss tighten across my ribs, and frankly? I wasn’t interested in dragging myself through all of that again.
No, Graham and I had found our peace. A shaky peace, at times, but we knew what we were to each other and that was all it could ever be. Even if he liked to push against my choice at times. It was in his nature. He’d never been one who accepted rules easily, and he understandably still blamed me for our breakup.Because I did break us up.
It was for the best.
Even if he refused to accept that.
We still flirted. We still teased each other. We still danced around each other. But it had been enough, thusfar, to never cross a line—at least not that I knew of—as Graham had never once really been threatened. And I needed to keep it that way. I’d grown too relaxed lately, flirting with him a bit more, and what I needed to do was get my head on straight.
“The loch finds a way, Agnes. If you never believe another thing I say, know this. The loch… it always finds a way. And it does not forget.”
I wouldn’t lie and suggest I was happy about how the die had been cast—Graham was an exceptionally delicious man and for a small moment in time, I’d thought he’d be mine—but this kept him alive.
Shouldn’t we all be happy about that?
“I don’t like you leaving like that.” Liora caught up with me, concern wreathed on her pretty features. She’d done an astrology reading for me recently, which her sister’s guide dog, Mitch, had interrupted when he alerted us that Zara was in danger. I couldn’t help but feel like the interruption had come at a perfect time, because Liora had seen exactly what Gran had told me about loving someone.
Graham and I could never be together.
“I’m fine,” I said, automatically, waving a hand in the air. “Sometimes it just gets to be a bit much, is all.”
