“I mean, parts of it for years now. The curse part. Protecting you,” I whispered as Graham’s eyebrows drew low over his forehead in a dark look.
“Years.” He shook his head. “You’ve known about some of this foryearsand you never once told me. Bloody hell, it all makes sense now. I could never figure out why you were doing what you were doing. But youhad to be the one in charge, didn’t you? You chose to never let me in. Never gave me the chance to help.”
“I was trying to protect you!” I exclaimed and stood up, seeing where he was going.
“By pushing me away? By making us both miserable?” His voice wasn’t angry, exactly. Perhaps more hurt than anything. “Agnes, I’ve spent all this time thinking something was wrong with me. Thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I’d done something to make you stop loving me. And the whole time, you were just?—”
“Trying to save your life,” I finished. “And I’m not sorry. Even if it was the wrong choice. But I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. Of watching you drown because of me.”
“So you decided to lose me slowly instead? One rejection at a time?”
I winced. Because he was right. I’d been so focused on protecting him from the curse that I hadn’t considered what my distance was doing to him. To us.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears burning my eyes. “I’msosorry, Graham. But I also knew you’d do this. You’re too stubborn. You’d push through, no matter what, and then I’d lose you. I was trying to save you from yourself.”
He crossed the room in three strides and pulled me into his arms.
“Of course I would, you silly woman. Don’t you think I’d rather have one day of love and joy with you than years without?”
“Don’t,” I whispered, closing my eyes at the unbearable thought of losing him. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Graham. And then what? We’re together but thenyou die? And I’m left to somehow survive that catastrophic heartbreak? Don’t you see why this was, no,is, impossible?”
“We’ll find a way, Agnes. That’s what we do.” He smoothed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “And bloody hell, you’re an infuriating woman. I wish you’d let me carry this with you instead of trying to shoulder it alone.”
“I still don’t know that this is the right answer.” I leaned into his arms, worry gnawing at me.
“It is. You don’t get to control everything.” He pulled back to look at me. “I meant what I said last night. I’m not going anywhere. Curse or no curse, I’m not going anywhere, Agnes. Whatever comes.”
“Even if it kills you?”
“Even then.” He kissed my forehead. “Though I’d prefer to find a way to break the curse and live to a ripe old age so I can chase you around the bookshop and annoy you whenever possible.”
I laughed despite myself. “I much prefer that plan.”
“Good. So where do we start?”
Quilliam cleared his throat.
“If I might interject,”he said, and I translated for Graham.“I think once Agnes is fully a Bookkeeper, she may have the ability to break the curse—or at least to face the Beithir and negotiate new terms.”
“Negotiate with the creature that cursed my family?” Graham tensed next to me as I spoke to Quilliam.
“It seems the curse was placed by the original Beithir. So wouldn’t it make sense to talk to it? What remains in the loch is its offspring, which means it might not be bound by its father’s hatred. Perhaps Agnes can make peace with it.”
“Right. No problem. Just make peace with the Beithir,” I muttered, frustration making me cranky.
Quilliam was quiet for a moment.“Or the curse continues. And the man you love will always be in danger.”
“Right, no pressure.” I slumped back in the chair and picked my pen back up, needing to do something. Anything to keep my mind off the impossibility of the task ahead of me.
I came from a pretty long line of strong women who had survived multitudes of losses. And if they couldn’t change this curse, what made me think that I was going to be the one to do it? Or maybe they’d just been asking the wrong questions all along?
Blindly, I wrote “Negotiate with vengeful loch serpent” on the notepad.
“Agnes—”
I froze, my mouth dropping open, as I stared at the pen in my hand.
It was glowing.
