“It’s too much,” I quibble, despite it hugging me like a second skin and being more flattering than I expected. I’d likely never feel comfortable in front of a man wearing this thing, yet somehow, I’m convinced to buy both, plus more sexy panties, before we leave, each of us carrying a bag. Checking the time, I sigh. “I’ve got to get going home now. Mom’s probably getting restless.”
Their faces fall, and they share a look, hating how much responsibility I take for my mother. But if I don’t, she’ll wind up dead in a ditch, and I don’t want that.
“Don’t be mad.” I pout with my lower lip out. They roll their eyes, and we share a laugh as we say goodbye.
The drive home isn’t far, and I stop to get us loaded subs for dinner. Since no longer buying her liquor, she’s forced to drink less, but having to spend her own money is apparently harder than continuing to spend mine.
Parking in our little bungalow‘s driveway, I’m surprised to see her showered, dressed, and sitting on the front porch as I shut the car off.
“Hi, Mom, you look nice.” She gives me a scant smile but doesn’t say anything. “I brought dinner home.” Holding up the bag, she nods this time. “You okay?” She meets my question with a frown.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Her voice is hoarse, like she’s been screaming for days. She isn’t a smoker, so that can’t be blamed.
“I don’t know. You just seem down.” Yet this is the first time she’s showered and gotten dressed in over a week.
Swallowing, she accepts the Gatorade I hand her and chugs half of it. “I’ve missed half your life.” The words rip from a painful place in her soul. Unsure how to respond, my mouth stays shut. “I’m sorry I failed you, Stella.” Leaning into her side, my head rests on her shoulder.
“You didn’t fail, Mom. I had a roof over my head, food in my belly…the essentials. We all do what we can to survive.” She’s not faultless, but she’s not entirely to blame either. That rests on my sperm donor’s shoulders.
“He called today.” Shocked, I sit up and stare at her.
“What did he want?” It’s been a few years since we’ve heard from him.
“To tell me to tell you about their new baby and they’d like for you to visit.” Scrunching my nose, amusement finally lifts her eyes. “I figured that’d be your reaction, but you know I won’t hide his calls.”
“Thanks for telling me. If that’s the only reason he’s calling, we don’t need to talk.” I’ve never met any of his new kids. I think there are three now, I guess.
Helping her to her feet, we head inside.
“What’s in the bag?” she asks, pointing to the discreet black bag in my other hand.
“I went shopping with Karma and Taylor. They think this customer has a thing for me, and I was convinced to buy some negligées. I don’t even know if I’ll keep them. I just didn’t want to argue about it.” I’ll probably keep the panties; I really like those.
Setting the food on the counter, Mom takes a seat at the bar and begins pulling it out. “What’s he like?” she asks, unwrapping her sub.
“Tall, dark, and handsome. Older. He has some gray in his temples. His eyes are like a chocolate fountain, and they’re filled with this intensity that could eat a girl whole.” I dream about those damn eyes.
“Sounds like he might know how to show a girl a good time.”
I snort-laugh because, holy cow, she’s not normally like this.
“Probably could and has. But I don’t have that kind of experience.” My mother knows this, yet the blush still hits hard.
“He’d probably give it to you.” She hides her mischievous grin as she takes a bite of her sandwich.
“Mother!” Scolding her feels odd. Normally, I’m just trying to keep her from vomiting in her sleep. “I really doubt he wants me like that. I’m just the girl who spills food on him.”
“Never know unless you try. Besides, it’s about time you start looking at the future and doing things for yourself rather than tending to your drunk mother.” Her saddened tone echoes in the chambers of my heart.
“Mom.”
She waves her hand at me, not wanting my pity. “No. We’re not doing that. Today is one step at a time.” She won’t meet my eyes now. “There’s a meeting at the church on Second and Carlisle. Do you think you could give me a ride?”
“Of course.” This is the first time she’s asked to attend a meeting. “We could get ice cream after,” I offer.
“Maybe a walk on the beach?”
I nod enthusiastically. “I’d love that. What time is the meeting?”
