“Although if we don’t say anything against it, then people will assume it to be true,” Edmund replied.
“I never even met him before last night. How can they say such horrid things? It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong, and my life is in ruins, all because I tried to help a baby in distress,” Lydia said.
“I know, sometimes the world can be cruel, but we must keep moving forward because it’s not going to stand still for any of us,” Agatha said.
“How am I supposed to move forward, Grandmother? There is no moving forward for me at all. I am stagnant. I will be this way forever. Alone,” she said, crestfallen.
There would be no shared memories, no happy laughter, no intimacy. She would not be able to speak about romantic dates with Rose and Charlotte, comparing how their partners had wooed them. Nor would she feel the thrill of being courted or have her eyes sparkle as a proposal was offered. She would never be able to look as beautiful as Rose or Charlotte on their wedding day and feel as though the entire world belonged to her.
“Perhaps I should go and stay with Mary and Alfred. They do enjoy a quiet life, and Mary would keep me sheltered,” she added despondently, for she did not want to retreat to her cousin and husband although they would be happy to have her.
“There is another way. Have you spoken to her about my suggestion yet, Edmund?” Agatha said. Lydia’s ears pricked up as she looked at her brother. Edmund laid his palms flat against the table and arched his eyebrows, looking pained.
“Ah… not yet, Grandmother.”
“What suggestion?” Lydia asked.
“Grandmother and I were talking last night about the… situation,” Edmund said. “I know it’s difficult for you, but I also know that there are certain things you want out of life, and I would like to give you opportunities that are at least close to that,” he said. Agatha was giving him an encouraging look while the others gazed at him intently, eager to see what he had in mind. He spoke slowly, as though he was bracing himself for her reaction. This did not fill Lydia with confidence.
“Grandmother and I both agree that you bear no fault in this, Lydia, and it is unfair that you should have to suffer the consequences. The fault lies with the Duke of Nightford, and if he has any honor then… then he should propose. And we believe it is for the best that he does so. If an offer for your hand is not forthcoming, then I shall make him bear the responsibility,” Edmund explainedsaid.
Lydia felt dread crawling through her, pooling in the pit of her stomach. Her throat became tight, and she was cold all over.
“But I don’t want to marry him,” she whispered.
“I understand that it might seem to go against your wishes, but when we look at the situation as a whole, it might be the best way forward. He surely cannot refuse to marry you, and as you point out, it might be… difficult for you to get a husband by other means. At least this way you would have companionship and support.”
Lydia was numb. She could not bring herself to speak as the others discussed the matter around the table.
“It’s not desirable, but perhaps you would grow to like him. Nathaniel and I did not get off to a good start,” Charlotte pointed out.
“And I thought Edmund was insufferable,” Rose added.
“I think you were simply confused. The attraction was so overwhelming that you were not quite sure what you were feeling,” Edmund said.
“Some marriages are borne of practical means, my dear. We have to move with the flow of life, not fight it. There is an opportunity here for you to become a duchess and gain stability in life. It is not something that should be readily dismissed,” Agatha said.
These words and more swirled around Lydia in a dizzying haze. It felt as though she was caught in the eye of a storm, and the elements were twisting and writhing around her, darkening the horizon. They each had their opinion to share, but Lydia alreadyknew how she felt. She had known what she wanted since she was nine years old.
“I am not dismissing it readily. I have thought about this for years. I know what I want and what I do not want. I most decidedly do not want to marryhim. The Duke of Nightford is a stranger, and all I know of him is that he is judgmental, accusatory, and does not know how to comfort a baby. A life spent with a man who has no feelings would be worse than being unmarried.”
Lydia lifted Matthew from her lap and placed him on the ground. He waddled over to his mother. She rose from her chair and rested her hands on the table.
“But you are right, Grandmother. We must flow with life, and it is clear that God is trying to send me a message. All I ever wanted was to find true love, but that can never happen now. My name will forever be associated with this scandal, and so I should not pursue the impossible. Instead, I shall heed my calling to God and become a nun. At least my heart will not be empty. I shall devote myself to Him. Perhaps that is the only fate that matters.”
There was much consternation around the table as everyone tried to speak at once. Charlotte’s was the loudest voice in the room and managed to fight away everyone else to capture Lydia’s attention.
“But you will not be able to see us as often as you would if you remained here, and going to a nunnery would be closing the door to every opportunity,” Charlotte said.
“Moreover, I doubt the sisters at the convent would let you read the books you like,” Rose added.
“Lydia, please do not speak hastily. I know this seems like a rash decision, but if you marry the Duke, then the scandal will be avoided,” Edmund said.
“But I would still be married to a man I do not love.”
Edmund hung his head, so Lydia continued, “You promised that you would not force me into anything, Edmund.”
Her brother clasped his hands in front of him. “Lydia, I know I said that, but I have to protect you as well. I didn’t believe that something like this would happen. I know it’s not what you want, but it might be what you need.”
