“Am I not allowed to be bitter? I am the only one of my siblings who has not been allowed the life she wants. Charlotte was able to publish her books and get married despite being told that the two were mutually exclusive. Edmund was able to live a carefree life until he found Rose. Why am I the only one who has to yield to other people’s demands?”
Agatha’s eyes bore a great deal of pity.
“I don’t know, Lydia. And I am sorry this happened to you. There’s nothing I wanted more than for you to live out your dreams, but sometimes dreams have to remain just that. I have seen a lot in my time. I have witnessed many marriages, and let me tell you, by and large they are not filled with love from the beginning. In most of them, love is something that grows. It has to be nurtured like a flower.”
“That wasn’t the case for mother and father,” Lydia said, almost resenting her parents for finding it so easy.
“They were lucky to have found each other. What they had was rare,” Agatha said, her words imbued with sorrow. She put her arm around Lydia’s waist. “It does not come for everyone, but that does not mean you cannot be happy. Look at Mary for instance. If she had not become a widow, then she would have remained in a practical marriage.”
“So you are saying I must hope for Victor to die?” Lydia arched an eyebrow. Agatha gave her a look.
“No, that is not what I am saying at all. You need to find happiness where you can. Life is a series of challenges and compromises. You will find your way; it may just be different than what you envisioned. But please do not think of this as the end of your life, Lydia. You have far too many years left for that, and when you are my age, I hope that you look back and realize that you made the best of things rather than wallowing in despair.”
Lydia recognized the wisdom in her grandmother’s words, but she wasn’t yet ready to accept them. Soon after this, Edmund came to fetch her. Lydia still resented him for breaking his promise, and while he apologized, he did not change his mind.
They entered the carriage. Lydia was swallowed by her dress. There was a heaviness in her stomach, and she racked her brains, trying to think of a reason to delay the wedding, but nothing came to mind.
Soon enough she would be married, and all hope of a happy ending would be lost to her.
Chapter Nine
Victor was dressed in his finest suit. Although he did not want to be married, he was not going to disrespect Lydia by showing that to everyone else.
“I am pleased you are standing beside me today,” Victor said in a deep voice to his brother, Harry.
Lord Harry grinned. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” he replied, taking a perverse kind of enjoyment in witnessing this marriage. Victor tilted his head from side to side as he tried to address his feelings of discomfort.
“I wasn’t sure you would be here after you got in such a temper. It didn’t seem that you wanted anything more to do with me.”
Harry looked abashed.
“You are my brother. I can hardly refute that. I just wish things were different is all. I’m sure you can allow me the luxury ofbeing angry once in a while. Besides, I need to see this for myself to make sure this is actually happening.”
“You do not need to take such pleasure in this.”
“Oh, but I do, brother. The irony is delicious. You prevent me from marrying the woman I loved, and now, you are forced to marry a woman you do not care for one jot. And in both cases, you are doing so to spare the family’s reputation. Do you still believe you did the right thing?”
“Yes,” Victor said without hesitation.
Harry made a scoffing sound and shook his head.
“Well, this shall be most interesting either way. At least the house might be a little livelier. It could be worse of course.”
“In what way?”
“Lady Lydia is beautiful. You haven’t had to lower yourself by marrying a plain woman. There are men all over London who would be envious of you today. Do you know how many suitors she turned down?”
“I am not aware of that information.”
“Too many to list.”
“I wonder why.”
There was a gleam of mischief in Harry’s eyes. “I’m not sure, but some women are particular. In that case, I pity her because you are hardly the gallant kind of gentleman that arouses thoughts of romance. I shall have to get her some gloves because when she touches you, she will only find ice.”
“It is not that type of marriage,” Victor said.
“Oh yes, your ‘special license.’ How is that going to work, anyway? Do you honestly believe it will sweep away all the speculation and scandal?”
