“Victor is right. It’s too soon. John is too young. It’s better that he should have stability, but thank you for the offer,” Lydia agreed. Then she looked at Victor, and he met her gaze. He was struck by the brightness in her eyes and how wide they were. It caused something in him to melt, and he wasn’t entirely sure what came over him, but he knew he liked it, and he didn’t want to turn away from Lydia although he would force himself to do exactly that.
“Very well, there is always time for you to have your honeymoon at a later date,” Edmund said.
Victor cleared his throat and looked down at his food again. Edmund seemed intent on treating this like a real marriage, but it wasn’t. There had been a wedding, but there would be no honeymoon and nothing else that was expected of them. He would be alone again eventually, and he longed for that because that’s when life was always easiest for him.
Although part of him would miss Lydia. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and watched her slender fingers holding the cutlery, the food passing through her lips, a bead of bacon juice getting caught in the corner of her mouth, her pink tongue darting out to claim it.
It was unnerving and unsettling, but he could not stop himself from thinking about Lydia.
This marriage was false, but she was real, and his feelings were caught somewhere between those notions.
Chapter Nineteen
“He’s growing well,” Georgia said, smiling with pride. Lydia returned the gesture.
“I’m glad. I want to make sure he has a full life. I know that might seem silly because he’s only a baby, but I think it’s important for him to experience different things.”
“Oh no, you’re right with that, Your Grace. The more he learns now, the more he’ll know when he grows up. You just wait. I bet he’ll be toddling along and babbling before long.”
Lydia smiled. There was a sense of fond anticipation although she tried to restrain it because she could not allow her heart to become vulnerable. She might never get to see John start walking or talking, and this might be all she knew of him. If she did see how he grew, then it meant that she was condemned to stay with Victor.
It was somehow even worse now that Rose had raised the possibility that Lydia was falling for him. Was it better to be married to a man she did not love or a man she did love yet who did not return her feelings?
“Are you well, Your Grace? It’s just that you seem troubled,” Georgia said.
“I’m just a little sad that Rose and Edmund had to leave. It was wonderful to have them here, but now, I miss them more dearly than before,” Lydia said, omitting the real reason for her dismay although this was certainly no lie.
“They were wonderful guests indeed.” Georgia nodded. “It is nice to know that John has such a loving and welcoming family. I’m sure they’ll be back before too long, and there’s no reason why you can’t visit them in London as well. Family is family no matter how much distance lies between you; that’s the way I like to think about it.”
“Yes, you are right Georgia.”
Lydia peered over at John and thought about his family.
What were his parents thinking now? Did his mother regret leaving him? Was she upset, or did she feel relieved not having to deal with the burden of a child?
That night, Lydia could not sleep. She tossed and turned because one moment she was too hot and the next she was too cold. There was also a dull ache in her calf that did not fade with stretching. She thought she would check on John, just as a matter of course. It was better than lying in bed with her eyes open, staring into darkness.
Lydia opened the door gently and silently. The fire in the hearth had died to embers, spreading a soft warmth through the room. The glow was faint, illuminating the shapes in the room. John was breathing heavily and the sound of this reassured her, but he was not the only presence in the room.
Victor was there as well.
He was draped in the chair beside the hearth, half of his face glowing, the other cast in shadow. His head was tilted back. His cravat was loose, his sleeves rolled up. He looked relaxed and at peace which was something she could not say about him often.
As she crept towards him, he did not stir. She stared at him, thinking that this was strangely intimate but also forbidden.
Was it right for her to invade his privacy like this?
She studied the angles of his face, the line of his jaw, the hands that rested in his lap. A lump formed in her throat. She was soclose to him now in this quiet place. In the darkness, it seemed as though anything might happen.
A blanket had been draped over his legs, but it had fallen to the floor. She picked it up and returned it to its position. She was just pulling away when a hand shot out and grabbed her arm. She looked up, and their gazes locked together. The grip loosened as he stirred from his slumber.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’m sorry,” she whispered, careful to speak low so that she wouldn’t wake John. She was ready to back out of the room, but then Victor stopped her with one word.
“Stay,” he said, keeping his voice to a low whisper as well.
Lydia froze. Then her knees buckled, and she sank to the floor beside him. He tilted his head towards her. It was framed in the soft light of the fire. His eyes were tired and heavy, and there was something more tender about him at this moment than there had been before.
“What are you doing here?”
