“And what are your plans? Harry told me about the peculiar… arrangement… between you and the Duke. It must be a relief to have all that ended.”
“Yes… yes, it is. We just need to arrange the particulars, and everything shall be settled. Although, I fear this may follow me around somewhat. Thetonis unlikely to forget that I was married, even for a fleeting time.”
“Damn theton,” Juliet said with a mischievous smile. Lydia shared the same gesture, but each time she gave a false smile it became harder to maintain. “Lydia, even though we have known each other only an abbreviated time, we have been through a lot, and you know me far better than most. I consider you a friend, and since I have been honest with you, I hope that you can be honest with me.”
“I have been,” Lydia said, fluttering her eyelashes in a flustered expression.
Juliet gave her a knowing smile.
“Lydia, I have been an actress for many years. I know when someone is hiding something. Are you perhaps not as relieved as you thought you would be?”
Lydia sighed. “I suppose I had just gotten used to my new surroundings, my new routine, and now, everything is being dismantled again. And of course, I shall miss John.”
“Of course,” Juliet said. “And Victor?”
Emotions caught in Lydia’s throat. She remembered why she had come in here in the first place. Avoiding Juliet’s question, she walked across the room and handed her a note.
“I made you a list of John’s routine, the way he behaves, and other such information. I’m sure that you will adjust quickly, and he will reveal all of his preferences to you, but this might make the transition a little easier.”
“Thank you,” Juliet said, her gaze lingering on Lydia, showing that she realized that Lydia did not answer her question. To her credit, she did not press, and this showed Lydia that they were indeed devoted friends. “I must confess that part of me would like to stay in London with you as you have taken such good care of John. I feel as though I shall be inadequate compared to you,” she confessed.
Lydia bowed her head. She hadn’t thought about it like that. All this time she feared that she would be replaced by Juliet. She had never thought that Juliet might fear the shadow cast by Lydia would have been inescapable.
“You are his mother. You will do wonderfully,” Lydia said. “Might I say farewell?”
“Of course,” Juliet said. Lydia slipped her arms beneath John’s body and lifted him, feeling his weight for perhaps the last time. A deep ache prevailed in her chest as she looked into his eyes. She bent down and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, closing her eyes for a moment to breathe in this joy, this connection, this beauty that was so rare and so special.
“Be good, John,” she whispered, fearing that if she said too much more, she would collapse in a puddle of emotion.
“Please come and visit whenever you get the chance. I shall write to you and forward our address. You shall always be welcome,” Juliet said. Lydia thanked her and then left the room. She wasn’t sure she would ever take Juliet up on that offer, for it might be too painful to see the boy grow up, knowing that he would never remember those early days of his life. In his eyes, he would only ever have one mother. Lydia would just be someone who cared for him for a while, and that would be all.
Later on, it came time for Lydia and Victor to leave. Lydia hugged John again, and this time it was difficult to part from him. However, she handed him back and managed to retain her equilibrium although for how long this would last, she did not know.
Victor, for his part, remained distant and aloof. There was a stoic expression on his face that did not break, as though it had been captured by a painter’s brush and would remain foreverthe same. He shook his brother’s hand and wished them well. However, he did not hold John. He barely looked at the boy. Lydia’s heart sank. She thought his feelings had been genuine, but perhaps she had been mistaken all this time.
Victor’s affection was only forged by duty, and as soon as that duty became Lord Harry’s, Victor’s affection disappeared. It was likely the same with her. Any stirrings he felt were no longer needed. It simply wasn’t practical to allow romance to enter their realm when their marriage was soon to be annulled.
While they sat in the carriage, Lydia stared at Victor, hoping that he might say something, anything to give an insight into his state of mind.
Was he hurting like she was? Was his heart torn to shreds?
No… the man was made of ice. He could make himself as invulnerable as a mountain. There was no emotion there, no regret. He simply stared out of the window as if this was a routine trip.
Lydia turned away from him and leaned her head down. She closed her eyes and breathed heavily, and soon, she was asleep.
The house felt more alien to Lydia now than it had when she’d first arrived. Her ears pricked up, hearing what she thought were John’s cries, but it was just a phantom of her mind. Victorgave the order for everything to be taken away from the nursery. The room would be laid bare, all trace of John extinguished as though he had never been a part of their lives at all.
Victor left for his study soon after they returned and remained there for some time. Lydia did not seek his company. Clearly, he was going to treat her as a stranger now which was really all they were. They made a mockery of the terms ‘husband,’ ‘wife,’ and ‘marriage.’ It was all a sham, and these ideals which Lydia had always held in such high esteem were strewn in tatters at her feet.
The day dragged interminably for Lydia. She tried to busy herself with all sorts of things but could take joy in nothing, not even her cherished habit of reading. There was a sick feeling clawing inside, and she did not believe there was anything she could do to rid herself of it. And all through the day, she could feel the tension pulsing in the air, this hostility of being unwanted, knowing that as soon as it was possible, Victor would turn her out.
If she hoped that things might be different at dinner, this notion was quickly dispelled. Victor did attend dinner, but he was taciturn and silent. No words were spoken, not even to give an air of civility. Cutlery scraped against plates, and the sounds of mastication filled the air. She waited and waited for him to say something,anything,but silence reigned.
In the end, she took matters into her own hands. She was not going to sit there and wait for the executioner to swing hissword. She placed her cutlery on the plate and regarded Victor with a cool look.
“I think it best if I return to London tomorrow. I will have the servants pack my things in preparation. There is no sense in delaying our parting, and I do wish to be close to my family again. With the truth settled, matters in thetonshould correct themselves. There is no longer any reason for us to remain married.”
As she said this, there was still a yearning part of her heart that longed to hear him dispute with her. She wanted him to argue, to push aside everything on the dinner table and take her hands, look into her eyes, and tell her that she was wrong.
