“It’s not the wedding. It’s all the pretending,” she admits. And my insides turn to ice at the word, pretending.
“I’ve been pretending I’m fine with this wedding. But I’m not. This is my wedding day, and it should be how I want it.”
I couldn’t lie; she had a point there.
“And I’ve been pretending I’m not paranoid about what’s to come in me and Gavin’s future.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you ever heard the phrase, 'How you get them is how you lose them'?”
Plenty of times.
“I think about it all the time. It scares me so much. I mean, I know he loves me. I can feel it when we’re together. But I’m scared to death.”
Color seems to drain from her face. “What if Gavin cheats on me, just like how I cheated on Othello? Or what if this is my karma coming around to bite me, and I’m doomed to suffer the exact same heartbreak?”
“Carina, trust me, it’s the wedding making you feel like this. It has a way of bringing up all kinds of insecurities and what-if scenarios. You made a mistake in your past, but that doesn't mean you are banned from having a happy, loyal marriage now. Trust the love you feel when it’s the two of you and think positive.”
A tear slips past her sunglasses.
I don’t know how to feel about this global icon admitting that she feels insecure in her own fairytale life. The absolute irony of it all was staggering. And the fact that she’s admitting it to me is all the more bizarre.
“Maybe you’re right. I’ve been a total mess and so completely on edge. I suppose that’s why I’ve been such a bitch to you lately, too. Trust me, Marley, it has nothing to do with Othello.”
The light in her eyes dims. I look at Carina with a newfound softness, and my heart starts to ache for her. It’s strange seeing someone who appears to have everything quietly admit that she’s unhappy. She’s terrified of losing the man she loves. And I have been a card-carrying member of that same club.
“What would make you happy right now?” I ask her.
Carina sniffs, her voice breaking when she says. “Not getting married. I love him. I do. But I don’t think I’m ready to marry him.”
The sound of Gavin’s voice sends a jolt through us both, and we snap our heads toward the entrance. Gavin walks into the room, a steak kabob in his hand.
“There you are.” Relief washes over his face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Food’s ready.”
Neither of us says a word.
Gavin glances between us, oblivious to the bomb that just detonated in the room. How would he feel if Carina confessed to him what she just confessed to me?
“Everything okay?” Gavin asks.
Carina swallows. Her golden girl smile returns. She’s on.
Ready. Set. Action!
“Yeah, I'm good. Marley was just telling me a really touching story.”
Gavin looks at me, and I smile, my head bobbing up and down.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing,” I tell him. “We’re done here.”
Gavin’s brow furrows and he turns back to his blushing bride. “You sure you good?”
“Yeah,” she says softly. “Everything’s fine.”
By the timethe sky turns into a watercolor mix of purple and orange, the yacht is making its way back to the coast. The day isn’t over yet. Tonight is reserved for the bachelor and bachelorette parties. We’re instructed to return to our rooms, shower, change, and regroup at the front entrance, where a black luxury coach awaits to take us to the next location.
