“I’m asking you to let me go for a little while,” she reasoned.
“And if I don’t?”
Her expression hardened. “Then you proved my point.”
“I apologize for mistreating you. I love you so much and I hope you never had to question that,” he spoke from the heart.
His comment was raw, but it was just too fuckin’ late for the sentiments.
“I know,” she whispered.
“But you still leaving me…” He ran his hands over his face.
“I’m choosing me,” Nina countered.
For a hot minute, neither of them moved until Nina was turned around and headed toward the elevator.
Jio watched her go with every violent instinct inside him screaming to stop her, but he let her go because it was what she wanted.
The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside. Their eyes met one last time before the doors closed between them.
Jio stood in the lobby beside a wagon full of his belongings. He was humiliated, furious, devastated, and still completely certain of one thing… he was getting his baby back. Nina could call it space all she wanted. But he wasn’t going no damn where. Jio didn’t consider himself to be a spiritual person, but he couldn’t be told that God hadn’t sent Nina to him. She’d been his guardian angel since the day they met. When she was ready to remember all of that, he would be exactly where he had always been. At the bookstore, waiting for her to walk through the door.
η
“Speak when you’re spoken to,”was a saying that most kids probably grew up hearing. In the Marcelle house, it was said so much that they finished the sentence under their breath while turning on their heels and rolling their eyes. Their mama didn’t play the radio… another saying from way back in the day. Most recently, she’d taken the liberty to rewire her brain from all the rules that she’d been forced to operate by while living under her parents’ roof. Nina was grown now, and she often had to remind herself of that because her parents still thought they had the final say-so on what she did, how she lived, and who she communicated with. It went beyond her whirlwind of a romance with Jiorgio Gotti III. Her mom thought it was “weird” that she was close to Ephrem.
“Who becomes friends with the people who checks them out at stores? Only you Nina. Why can’t you hang with your Jack& Jill friends or your line sisters? For goodness sake, it was fifty-six of you ladies. Not one of them can be your friend?”her mother would ask with pity on her face.
The same thing went for Nina’s church family.
“But Nina, I just don’t get you sometimes… you grew up in a church. You belong somewhere already. It’s embarrassing that you skip Sundays to go to another church. It’s so small. Are you tithing in there? They’re using you for your money,”her mother would say as if Nina knew no better. She couldn't care less what her mama thought. Until she visited for one service, her opinion was void. Nina went where the Holy Spirit was guaranteed to show up, and He stopped by her church EVERY single Sunday. There had yet to be a service where she didn’t leave feeling fulfilled yet empty of her own flesh at the same time. For years, she’d foolishly allowed her mama to keep her from establishing a real relationship with Pastor Raymond’s wife, but not anymore. As busy as Nina’s schedule was, she made time to get tea or lunch with her beloved Laurie Raymond at least twice a month. It’d slowly become a time that she looked forward to. Nina’s assistant knew that for the most part, she was flexible with her calendar and never made a fuss when things had to shift around, but her time with her First Lady was unmovable.
Normally, after they hugged and exchanged pleasantries, Laurie would ask her how she was doing, Nina would give her a half-truth, not wanting to dump her problems on her and have her casting out demons in the name of Jio. So she kept it cute and enjoyed their time together. But this outing was different. Nina had to get her emotions out to someone other than her therapist, Ephrem, and Danyelle. She needed a trusted advisor. A grown woman. A person who could give her sound advice from an experienced place. Nina didn’t want to be scolded for being foolish, nor did she want to be judged. In truth, she wished that she could talk to her mother. What she was currently dealingwith Jio was a lot. Sleep was non-existent these days. She tossed and turned all night, wishing he could just be the man she needed him to be. No one told her that relationships weren’t really like how they were portrayed in the movies.
“He’s a good guy but he struggles with being consistent, like he can’t do the right thing for an extended amount of time. I’m constantly on an emotional rollercoaster with him. It drives me crazy.”
Nina laid it all on the table before the waiter could come back with their soups and salads. She just knew that she was going to get on her about falling in love with a drug dealer. A Gotti at that, but First Lady Laurie did not.
The first thing Laurie asked her was, “How are you feeling today? Not overall, but today?” Her tone was gentle. Nina took a deep breath and her shoulders relaxed.
“I feel okay… because I knew I would see you, but outside of this lunch outing, I know when I get home, I’m going to be sad all over again and I’m over it.”
“Is this your first heartbreak?” First Lady Laurie wanted to know.
Nina nodded. “I don’t wish this pain on anyone!” She was going through it.
Laurie reached across the table and took her hand. “I don’t want to say it’s the first of many because my husband is my only true love, but I will tell you that a woman can love a man deeply and still need to stand somewhere that he can’t reach her for a while, do you understand?” She reminded her of Claire Huxtable fromThe Cosby Show. From her big eyes that held love and compassion. Her style. Her warmth relaxed Nina, and she was comfortable being as vulnerable as she needed to be in the moment. The little girl in her craved some type of motherly love and she was thankful for these luncheons. She looked forward to their fellowship every time.
“Yes ma’am, I do.”
First Lady saw the wonder in her eyes. “Talk to me, what are you thinking?”
“So does it mean the love may not be real?” Her eyes widened. Gosh, if the last two years were a waste, that would drive her bananas. She didn’t want to question the value of what they’d built.
“No, baby, it means you are. You’re human, your feelings are valid… his are too.”
Her comment stayed with Nina for the rest of the day. She hoped that eventually her heart would start to repair itself because right now, it felt as if she was slowly recovering from open heart surgery. She wondered how Jio was doing but she wouldn’t dare pick up the phone to ask.
